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A Bit of Optimism - Ethical Fading with Lenny Wong

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Are you honest? Let me ask the question a different way: have you ever told a lie? You can see the problem. Dr. Lenny Wong has spent years studying this and we talked about how pervasive this “ethical fading” is in so many aspects of modern life and what we can do about it. This is… A Bit of Optimism

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Are
you
honest?
Let
me
ask
the
question
a
different
way.
Have
you
ever
told
a
lie?
You
can
see
the
problem.
We've
all
told
little
white
lies.
Some
of
us
have
even
told
more
than
that.
This,
unfortunately,
is
more
pervasive
than
we
think.
It's
called
ethical.
And
it's
something
that
Dr.
has
spent
many
years
studying.
He
spent
20
years
in
the
military
studying
why
good
cultures
turned
bad.
And
I
actually
learned
about
ethical
from
him
in
a
world
in
which
everybody's
trying
to
get
ahead.
And
sometimes
we
do
so
by
doing
things
that
are
ethically
questionable.
The
question
is,
what
can
we
do
about
it?
This
is
a
bit
of
optimism.
Lenny,
so
good
to
see
you.
Good
to
see
you,
Simon.
You
and
I
met
a
bunch
of
years
ago.
I
heard
you
speak
at
a
conference
and
you
were
the
one
who
introduced
me
to
this
concept
of
ethical
fading,
which
I
ended
up
writing
about
in
The
Infinite
Game.
Correct.
This
concept
I
find
so
fascinating.
And
unfortunately,
the
reason
I
think
it's
fascinating
is
it's
pervasive
in
our
society
today.
Correct
me
if
I
get
this
wrong,
but
ethical
fading
is
the
phenomenon
where
a
large
group
of
people,
a
culture
of
an
organization,
make
unethical
decisions,
believing
that
they
are
well
within
their
own
ethical
framework.
They
don't
believe
they've
done
anything
wrong.
And
yet,
from
an
outsider
in,
it
is
so
obvious
that
something
has
gone
haywire.
For
example,
a
pharmaceutical
company
that
owns
the
patent
to
an
essential
drug
and
will
raise
the
price
500
percent,
600
percent,
800
percent,
1000
percent,
though
not
illegal,
highly
unethical.
And
the
people
inside
that
organization
will
shrug
their
shoulders
and
say
there's
nothing
wrong
with
it.
Right,
it's
temporarily
suspending
any
notion
of
right
or
wrong,
and
it's
very
closely
related
to
moral
disengagement.
So
the
ethical
fading
came
from
a
professor
of
psychology
and
Tenbrunsel.
It's
basically
setting
aside
the
ethical
dilemma
because
you
just
say,
well,
there's
no
ethics
involved
in
this.
This
is
just
a
decision.
It's
a
business
decision.
It's
a
cost
benefit
analysis
whatever.
But
there
are
no
ethics
involved
in
this.
And
so
we
could
just
move
on
and
make
the
decision.
AndTenbrunsel
calls
it
a
form
of
of
self-deception,
which
I
find
very
interesting
as
well.
Not
only
is
that
you
said
it's
it's
amazing
that
it's
so
pervasive
to
me.
It's
amazing
that
we
don't
even
know
it,
that
it's
so
pervasive,
but
we
refuse
to
look
it
in
the
face
because,
I
think
it
collapses
so
much
of
what
humans
do
and
we
rationalize
away
and
it's
an
ugly
thing
to
look
at,
to
admit
that,
no,
you
just
told
a
lie
and
you
just
don't
want
to
admit
it.
Right.
Some
of
the
things
that
go
into
that
self-deception
we've
all
done.
Let's
be
honest.
We've
all
done
it.
Right.
It's
so
pervasive.
So,
for
example,
everyone's
doing
it.
I
had
no
choice.
That's
what
my
boss
wanted
me
to
do.
And
this
is
my
favorite
one.
It's
the
system.
Right.
So
in
an
organization
where
all
of
the
pressures
upon
someone
is
to
do
things
that
are
in
self-interest
of
the
organization,
so
they
want
you
to
hit
a
number
at
an
arbitrary
date,
all
the
incentives
pressure
them
to
hit
that
number.
So
both
incentives
and
disincentives,
massive
amounts
of
them
are
thrust
upon
a
person
because
a
few
people
at
the
top
have
thought
that
this
number
is
more
important
than
anything
else.
And
at
the
rank
and
file,
what
ends
up
happening
is
they
do
anything
to
appease
their
boss,
fit
the
incentive
program
avoid
getting
in
trouble
or
worse.
One
person
does
something
highly
unethical,
like
at
Wells
Fargo
Bank,
where
thousands
of
people
open
millions
of
fake
bank
accounts
and
other
things.
It
started,
I
assume,
because
one
or
two
people
tried
it
and
somebody
went,
good
job
and
everybody
else
did
it.
Right,
right.
And
in
those
cases,
it's
the
system.
And
really
what
we're
expecting
that
person,
14
levels
below
is
not
for
them
to
tell
the
truth
in
the
first
place
because
we
want
them
to
lie
to
us.
Do
you
equate
ethical
fading
and
lying
as
synonymous?
For
me.
the
example.
But
I
think
ethical
fading
really
is
the
ability
to
develop
hypocrisy
in
our
own
minds
and
live
with
it.
How
do
we
live
with
ourselves?
And
the
answer
is
ethically.
I've
been
in
the
Army
uniform
for
20
years
now
as
a
civilian
for
20
years.
And
so
in
the
Army,
you
view
yourself
as
a
moral
upright
cut
above
and
to
hear
ourselves
admit
to
lying.
That
really
goes
against
who
we
think
we
are.
Ethical
allows
us
to
live
with
who
we
really
are
and
who
we
think
we
are.
And
this
goes
way
back
to
what
Jesus
accused
the
Pharisees
of
doing,
because,
like,
you
guys
are
hypocrites,
because
you're
telling
everyone
to
do
this.
And
when
you
really
look
at
it,
you're
not
doing
it
yourselves.
And
so
it's
very
human,
but
it's
very
ugly.
And
that's
why
I
say,
especially
in
my
organization,
the
military,
we
don't
like
to
look
at
it
because
it
really
attacks
who
we
say
and
think
we
are.
And
perhaps
the
greatest
form
of
honesty
is
to
look
at
oneself
and
say,
I
was
dishonest.
Correct,
but
look
at
all
the
creeds
and
codes
that
we
have
that
say
you
will
never
lie,
cheat
or
steal.
Your
word
is
sacred.
And
it
is.
But
we're
also
human.
How
do
you
have
an
inspirational,
aspirational
organization
and
yet
you
fill
with
humans?
That's
what's
really
hard.
So
we
can
do
tell
everyone
you're
really
not
as
good
as
you
think
you
are,
or
we
could
say
you're
the
best,
but
let's
ignore
all
this
humanness
that
creeps
out
every
once
in
a
while.
Yeah.
How
did
your
interest
in
this
show
up?
So
I
did
a
study
back
in
the
early
two
thousands
with
a
friend
named
Steve,
and
it's
called
Lying
to
Ourselves,
where
we
address
this
going
on
in
the
army
and
saying
we
have
a
problem.
I
looked
at
all
the
requirements
we
placed
on
junior
officers,
and
what
we
discovered
was
junior
officers
have
about
two
hundred
fifty
six
available
training
days.
And
when
you
add
up
every
single
requirement
that
we
put
on
them,
it
equates
to
about
two
hundred
ninety
seven
training
days.
And
so
it's
physically
impossible
to
accomplish
everything
that
the
Army
tells
them
to
do
in
the
amount
of
time
we
give
them
to
do
it.
How
can
we
ever
develop
innovative
officers
when
all
they
do
is
run
around
doing
what
we
tell
them
to
do?
But
what
always
bothered
me
when
I
wrote
that
study
is
if
they
can't
literally
do
it
in
the
time
period
we
give
them,
what
are
they
reporting?
And
so
that
haunted
me
for
about
a
decade.
And
so
I
was
sitting
in
my
co-authors
office,
Steve,
and
I
said,
Steve,
I
got
a
research
project
I'd
like
to
work
on.
He
says
"what?"
I
said.
I
think
even
though
we
don't
think
we're
lying,
we're
lying
to
ourselves,,
I
don't
know
what
you're
talking
about.
I
am
an
honest
person.
You
ask
my
wife
one
thing,
she
knows
I
will
never
lie
to
her
and
typing
on
his
computer.
I
said,
I
think
there's
something
there.
Are
you
listening
to
me?
says,
yeah
I
am
listening.
He
keeps
typing
away,
what
are
you
doing?
And
he
says,
I'm
filling
in
all
the
mandatory
training,
were
supposed
to
do
saying
I
did
it.
And
he
was
filling
it
all
out.
And
I
said,
that's
exactly
what
I'm
talking
about.
How
could
you
sit
there
and
do
that?
And
yet
we
tell
ourselves
we're
honest
people.
At
the
Army
War
College,
we
have
a
lesson
on
ethics
and
ethical.
We
always
talk
about
it.
But
finally,
we
were
confronting
it
up
in
our
face
that
this
happens.
So
this
got
reinforced.
I
was
talking
to
a
civilian
friend
of
mine
and
he's
talking
about
his
wife
had
to
move
up
in
the
organization
because
they
had
fired
somebody.
And
I
said,
what
did
they
fire
him
for?
He
said,
well,
the
person
was
falsifying
training
rosters.
They
were
saying
people
were
attending
training
who
never
did.
And
it
made
me
realize
we
have
really
developed
a
culture
where
ethical
feeding
is
pervasive,
it's
allowed,
it's
not
talked
about,
and
it's
impacting
all
aspects
of
our
life.
So
that's
how
we
got
started
on
this.
So
the
fun
example
that
I
talk
about
where
I
suffered
was
I
had
a
job
where
out
of
the
blue
the
company
announced
that
we
had
to
start
filling
out
timesheets.
Now,
I
worked
100
percent
on
one
account.
What
do
you
need
to
know?
I
know.
Yeah.
You
know,
so
we
had
to
hand
them
in
weekly.
I
never
handed
my
time
sheets
on
time
because
I'm
just
terrible
at
that
kind
of
stuff.
And
so
I
would
get
in
trouble.
So
I
would
sit
down
for
the
entire
week
on
Friday
morning
and
I
would
fill
out
my
time
sheets
right
in
at
9:00
out
at
5:00
now.
I
often
showed
up
at
whatever
time
and
I
always
left
later,
but
who
cares?
So
in
nine
out,
five
in
nine
out,
five
in,
nine
out,
five
done.
And
I
think
maybe
I
was
two
weeks
or
three
weeks
behind
because,
you
know,
I'm
late.
So
I'm
filling
out
two
or
three
weeks
worth
of
time
sheets
here
and
out,
in
and
out
exactly
the
same
time.
Every
single
day
I
go
to
my
boss
because
somebody
has
to
sign
off
on
my
time
sheets.
And
he
looks
at
them
and
he
says,
boy,
you're
a
very
consistent
worker,
aren't
you?
Basically
pointing
out
to
me
that
he
knows
I
fudged
my
sheets
and
then
he
signs
them.
Right.
And
we
go
about
our
day.
And
that's
I
look
at
the
organizations.
Organizations
create
these
systems
that
everyone
looks
at
and
says
that
system
isn't
real.
So
we
create
in
our
mind
an
imaginary
line
that
says
that's
the
fake
world,
that's
the
world
we
lie
to,
because
someone
came
up
with
that
system,
that
process
that
they
really
don't
want
truth.
They
just
want
you
to
fill
it
out
so
all
columns
are
lined
up.
That's
where
organizations
fall
and
encourage
ethical
fading.
We're
not
really
looking
for
the
truth.
What
we
really
want
knows.
Simon,
did
you
put
in
an
honest
work
week?
Yeah,
I
did.
OK,
here,
fill
out
these
time
sheets
and
lie
to
me.
Right,
just
reinforce
the
narrative
that
we
all
want
to
believe.
Language
is
a
big
deal
here
as
well.
It's
the
overuse
of
euphemisms
like
in
the
United
States.
Torture
violates
our
values.
We
would
never,
ever
torture.
But
enhanced
interrogation
is
extremely
helpful.
Right.
Or
in
the
business
world
or
in
our
personal
world,
we
would
never
spy
on
our
customers.
But
data
mining.
So
helpful.
So
valuable.
Right.
Or
even
referring
to
human
beings
as
data
points.
Right.
And
the
overuse
of
this
language
where
we
literally
dehumanize
people
so
we
can
distance
ourselves
from
the
impact
we
may
have
on
their
lives
or
we
create
euphemisms
so
we
can
again
create
distance
from
the
impact
of
our
decisions
because
it
just
makes
it
easier.
Right.
Because
we
don't
like
the
harsh
reality
of
to
say,
well,
I
lied.
So
instead,
we
heard
things
like
just
telling
them
what
they
want
to
hear
while
you're
lying.
Or
the
best
one
I
heard
is
that's
not
lying.
That's
good
leadership.
I
had
my
boss
when
I
was
starting
to
do
this
study,
came
in
and
said,
so
what's
the
study
you're
working
on?
I
told
him
and
he
says,
I
don't
know
what
you're
talking
about.
I
just
don't
see
any
evidence
of
that.
And
so
I
said,
well,
wait
a
minute,
according
to
the
regulations,
I'm
supposed
to
get
quarterly
counseling
from
you
on
how
I'm
doing.
We've
never
done
that.
And
yet
every
annual
counseling,
there's
all
these
different
dates
with
your
initials
by
it
on
how
we
met
and
talked.
I
said
we
never
met
and
talked.
What
do
you
call
that?
And
he
says,
that's
not
lying.
That's
protecting
my
boss.
And
so
we
don't
like
to
hear
those
words
lying
or
I
didn't
tell
the
truth.
And
even
when
we
came
to
write
up
the
study,
it
was
hard
to
write
down.
That
we
lie,
so
we
were
even
looking
for
different
ways
of
saying
lying
because
it's
such
a
harsh,
in-your-face
word
that
makes
us
confront
the
evilness
that
we
all
know.
So
here's
the
uncomfortable
question.
Is
it
ever
OK
to
lie?
I
think
the
answer
is,
is
no.
Then
you
have
to
ask
the
secondary
question.
Are
you
ever
boxed
in
where
you
have
to
lie?
Not
that
it's
OK.
I
think
that's
what
we
have
to
transmit,
is
that
we're
human.
And
so
it's
not
like
the
organization
is
trying
to
teach
these
people
to
be
perfect
because
we
can't
expect
you
to
be
perfect
because
you're
human.
So
we
understand
that,
yes,
there
will
be
times
that
you
will
lie,
but
we
want
you
to
know
you
should
never
have
to
lie.
I'm
uncomfortable
with
this
idea
of
the
box
because
who
sets
the
edges?
Exactly
right.
And
that's
the
problem.
So
there
was
a
study
done
about
child
development
and
they
did
these
wonderfully
innovative
experiments
to
show
the
development
of
a
child's
mind,
of
which
one
of
them
was
learning
to
lie
because
little
kids
don't
lie.
Right.
They
tell
you
everything
to
a
fault.
And
the
point
that
was
made
in
the
study
was
that
lying
is
an
important
social
convention.
And
the
experiment
that
they
set
up
was
a
mother
and
her
friend
who
are
both
in
on
the
experiment,
meet
for
lunch
and
the
mother
brings
her
little
kid.
And
the
friend
gives
the
mother
a
gift.
And
the
mother
says,
thank
you.
I
love
it,
and
the
kid
immediately
says,
no,
you
don't.
You
hate
it.
And
the
mother
says,
No,
I
love
it.
And
the
kids
says,
no,
you
have
one
just
like
this
at
home.
And
you
always
talk
about
how
much
you
hate
it.
And
the
kid
hadn't
learned,
yet,
this
social
convention
that
we
have
to
tell
what
is
a
lie
in
order
to
not
hurt
someone's
feelings.
Right,
right.
But
I
think
the
ideal
in
that
is
to
tell
the
child
it's
never
good
to
lie.
But,
Mom,
you
just
lied.
I
know.
And
I
wish
I
didn't
have
to
lie.
So
I
call
B.S.
.
All
right.
the
conversation,
what
else
what
else
do
I
talk
about,
Simon?
Listen,
I'll
tell
you
why.
Because
what
you
said,
I
wish
I
didn't
have
to,
but
I
do.
exactly
it.
But
that's
the
problem,
Lenny,
which
is
if
we
could
all
get
away
with
saying,
I
wish
I
didn't
have
to,
but
I
do,
it
at
least
makes
us
aware
of
the
lie.
But
then
we
go
right
back
to
where
we
started,
which
is
I
have
to
to
get
ahead.
I
got
to
put
food
on
the
table.
That's
what
my
boss
wants
me
to
do.
Everybody's
doing
it.
I'm
going
to
get
in
trouble.
Right.
It's
the
first
inch
of
that
slippery
slope
that
you
start
sliding
down.
Wait,
wait.
What
if
we
find
new
ways
to
tell
the
truth?
As
opposed
to
lying.
Because,
look,
your
work
screwed
with
my
head,,
like
you
keep
me
up
at
night,
right?
You're
the
reason.
Go
back
to
the
example
of
the
gift.
Fine,
I'll
give
it
to
you.
The
mistake
she
made
was
saying,
"I
love
it."Right.
Thank
you
so
much
for
thinking
of
me.
No
issue.
Oh,
you
didn't
have
to
give
me
a
gift.
This
is
so
kind
of
you.
The
mistake
she
made
was,
I
love
it,
the
effusive
thanks
for
the
generosity
and
thinking
of
her
was
where
she
should
have
stopped.
Yeah,
I'm
not
going
to
ever
give
you
a
gift.
First
of
all,
Simon
is
here,
but.
Yes,
but
Simon,
what
if
the
person
says,
did
you
like
the
gift?
Right
now
you
play
a
game
of
obfuscation,
which
is
unfair.
Right.
I
got
your
gift.
Did
you
like
it?
I
mean,
this
happened
to
me
where
I
went
to
see
a
friend's
play,
and
it
was
easily
the
worst
thing
I've
ever
seen
in
my
life.
I
mean,
it
was
abominable.
Right.
And
I
meet
my
friend
backstage
right
after
the
play.
She's
still
in
costume.
She's
still
in
makeup.
The
adrenaline
is
still
pumping.
And
of
course,
the
first
question
out
of
her
mouth
is,
what
did
you
think?
Right
now,
she
knows
me
to
be
an
honest
broker.
And
I
say,
oh,
it
was
so
fantastic
seeing
you
on
the
stage.
I'm
so
proud
of
you
all
true.
That
was
good.
So
this
is
what
I've
started
to
learn,
which
is
honesty
doesn't
have
to
happen
in
the
moment.
It
can
happen
at
a
later
date.
I
still
wanted
to
answer
her
question,
but
the
problem
was
she
was
so
jacked
up
on
adrenaline
and
the
timing
was
too
soon
that
had
I
said
it
now,
the
delta
of
her
excitement
to
where
I
was
going
to
put
her,
that's
what
would
have
made
her
upset.
So
the
next
day,
when
the
adrenaline
was
down
and
her
baseline
was
lower,
I
said,
hey,
can
I
tell
you
what
I
thought
about
your
play
yesterday?
She
goes,
Yeah,
I'd
love
to
know.
And
I
said,
You
know
what?
I
got
to
tell
you,
the
script
was
weak.
The
directing
was
weak.
You
know,
wonderful
to
watch
you,
but
I
felt
sorry
for
you.
In
the
middle
of
it.
She
goes,
it
wasn't
good.
She
could
now
have
a
rational
conversation
with
me
where
the
day
before,
there's
no
way
she
could
have
a
rational
conversation
with
me.
So
the
challenge
that
I
put
to
myself
is
I
have
to
always
be
honest,
but
I
don't
always
have
to
make
that
on
a
statement
in
the
moment.
Right.
But
I
didn't
lie.
I
think
that's
a
great
strategy
when
dealing
with
people.
But
I
have
to
challenge
what
happens
when
you're
dealing
with
a
faceless
system.
What
happens
when
you're
dealing
with
a
bureaucracy
that
is
demanding
time
sheets,
so
when
you're
dealing
with
people,
A,
that's
the
way
to
go
because
people
are
malleable
and
I
think
you're
taking
advantage
of
that.
Simon,
I
don't
think
you
would
lie
to
me
and
hopefully
you
don't
think
I
would
lie
to
you,
but
I
got
a
feeling
both
of
us
would
lie
to
a
system.
Yeah.
And
that's
part
of
the
ethical
is
one
of
the
thing
is
you
said
it
yourself.
Dist.
have
me
talk
to
a
computer
and
put
in
my
ID
card
and
digitally
sign
it.
That's
so
much
easier
than
you
look
at
me
in
the
face
and
you
saying,
did
you
like
my
podcast?
And
so
organizations
are
faceless.
And
a
lot
of
times
that
ethical
is
so
much
easier
because
we're
digitally
signing
it
or.
I
read
your
agreement
thing
in
the
beginning.
That's
twenty
two
pages
long.
I
read
it
and
understand
and
agree
to
it.
Sure,
I'll
do
that.
We've
all
agreed
to
everything
none
of
us
have
ever
read
it.
I
know
if
they
just
said
I
agree
and
didn't
say
I
read
and
understand,
be
fine.
But
I
didn't
read
it.
I
didn't
understand
it.
But
I
want
my
product
so
give
it
to
me,
you
know.
And
so
that's
what
I'm
saying.
When
you're
talking
person
to
person,
ethical
fading
doesn't
happen
as
readily
as
put
me
in
front
of
a
kiosk,
put
me
in
front
of
a
tollbooth,
put
me
in
front
of
something
I
want
that's
just
blocking
me
from
getting
something
I
need.
Hey,
I
hate
to
say
it.
We're
human
now.
You've
got
to
be
careful.
I'm
not
making
excuses
for
lying.
I
understand.
Hypocrisy
is
the
word
that
you
used
before
to
explain
this.
And
it
seems
to
me
and
I
can
only
refer
to
my
own
lifetime
because
I
didn't
live
earlier,
but
if
you
look
at
how
divided
our
nation
is,
if
we
sit
back
in
our
academic
ivory
towers
and
you
evaluate
without
putting
our
own
points
of
views
and
political
points
of
views
on
what
either
side
is
saying,
both
sides
are
filled
with
unbelievable
hypocrisy.
And
the
funny
thing
is,
is
the
attack
that
one
side
makes
on
the
other
side
is
to
point
out
their
hypocrisy.
But
the
hypocrisy
on
both
sides
that
a
party
or
a
group
of
people
hold
two
opinions
that
are
absolutely
diametrically
opposed
in
logic.
Right.
But
what
we
say
is
you're
a
hypocrite.
And
what's
implied
is
and
I'm
not.
And
I'm
not.
And
that's
not
true.
The
answer
really
is
you're
a
hypocrite
and
I'm
a
hypocrite.
And
if
anyone
could
do
that,
if
a
party
could
do
that,
if
a
group
of
people
in
debate
could
do
that,
that
seems
to
me
like
the
most
essential
starting
point
to
actually
get
to
progress
and
conclusion.
Right.
Because
what's
wrong
with
admitting
that
we're
human
now?
Some
humans
are
more
despicable
than
other
humans.
So
we'll
say
let's
take
them
out
of
the
picture.
But
still,
there's
nothing
wrong
with
saying
I'm
human.
I
haven't
led
a
perfect
life.
I
will
find
dirt
on
anybody
because
I
think
they
are
human,
too.
But
and
this
goes
back
to
the
army.
We
create
a
type
of
person
that
we
say,
oh,
an
Army
officer
never
tells
a
lie.
Now,
they
should
never
tell
a
lie.
They
should
think
lies
are
wrong.
But
they
should
also
admit
that
they're
human
because
that's
part
of
self
awareness.
But
this
binary
world
that
we
live
in,
I
really
love
this.
I
mean,
simply
saying,
look,
you're
a
hypocrite.
We
shouldn't
actually
attack
the
person.
We
should
attack
the
behavior.
Let's
start
there.
OKSo
what
you
said
was
hypocritical.
That
is
pure
hypocrisy.
And
we
are
hypocrites
to
just
hearing
that,
just
saying
those
words
out
loud
to
you.
It
lets
the
pressure
out
that
we
can
actually
have
a
rational
conversation
now.
But
you'll
never
get
elected
office,
Simon.
Or
would
you?
Yeah,
that's
a
good
question,
is
our
society
ready
for
that?
One
of
the
hardest
places
I've
had
this
discussion
with
was
at
West
Point.
Because
at
West
Point,
a
cadet
will
not
lie,
cheat
or
steal
or
tolerate
those
who
do,
and
it
is
very
binary.
Now,
what's
nice
about
West
Point
is
West
Point
started
saying
that
is
a
very
tall
hurdle
for
any
young
person.
And
so
it
used
to
be
that
you
got
kicked
out
if
you
violated
that
at
all.
Now,
what
they've
discovered
is
that
you
could
make
a
mistake
and
you
realize
that
a
cadet
should
not
lie,
cheat
or
steal
or
tolerate
those
who
do.
But
we're
not
going
to
kick
you
out
because
that
would
cause
you
to
lie
about
the
fact
that
you
did
make
a
transgression.
We're
going
to
offer
now
discretion.
We're
going
to
have
you
be
developed.
We'll
have
you
meet
with
a
mentor
and
discuss
what
happened.
And
we'll
work
through
it.
See,
what
we
should
to
do
is
you're
human.
You
aspire
to
be
a
person
who
never
lied
to
you.
And
more
importantly,
you
aspire.
And
we
will
help
you.
Exactly.
And
we
all
admit
lying
is
not
good.
The
system
is
designed
to
help
you.
Right.
But
we're
not
going
to
say.
And
the
consequences
of
lying
are
so
steep
that
you
won't
even
admit
you
lie.
I
got
this
from
your
work
that
the
punishment
for
telling
the
truth
was
greater.
Then
the
punishment
for
lying,
right?
If
you
told
the
truth,
I
didn't
complete
this,
it
would
hurt
your
promote
ability.
But
if
you
lied,
you're
more
likely
to
get
promoted.
If
everyone
else
is
lying
to,
then
it
makes
it
easier.
So
we
start
creating
an
expectation
that
you
have
to
be
perfect.
When
you're
talking
about
young
people,
we
talk
about
soldiers.
When
you
talk
about
employees,
when
you're
talking
about
children,
we
have
to
really
think
hard
if
you
expecting
them
to
be
perfect.
What
do
you
expect
them
to
do
when
something
isn't
perfect?
The
obvious
next
step
for
us
to
talk
about
is,
well,
how
do
we
change
this,
like
how
do
we
combat
ethical
and
what's
the
solution?
Yeah,
I'm
just
an
academic,
so
I
don't
come
up
with
actual
answers.
SoBut
I
think
you're
on
to
something
here,
which
is
the
solution
is
to
turn
truth
and
honesty
not
into
an
absolute
but
into
an
ideal,
a
striving.
It's
an
idealism.
It
is
still
an
absolute.
OK,
OK,
an
aspirational
absolute
rather
than
a
current
state
absolute.
Right.
It's
still
an
absolute
it's
still
something
everyone
should
strive
for.
And
yes,
we
could
draw
the
line
and
say,
no,
that
was
not
truthful.
So
it's
absolute.
But
what
we
can't
do
is
say
and
I
want
you
to
surround
me
with
all
these
people
that
never
lie.
I
want
you
to
surround
me
in
a
system
that
always
tells
me
exactly
what
I
want
to
hear
and
somehow
live
in
that
system,
because
that's
a
false
world.
I
think
this
is
where
the
solution
lies.
This
has
to
be
a
striving
or
an
organization,
we
say
we
believe
honesty
is
important.
The
whenever
the
companies
give
me
their
list
of
values
and
honesty
is
one
of
them,
I
always
make
fun
of
them.
Like
if
you
have
to
write
honesty
on
the
wall,
you've
got
bigger
problems.
But
we
believe
telling
the
truth
is
important.
By
the
way,
everybody
thinks
they're
honest.
First
of
all,
it
has
to
be
a
verb.
Tell
the
truth.
That's
number
one,
because
everybody
knows
they
don't
always
tell
the
truth,
but
everybody
thinks
they're
honest.
So
tell
the
truth.
Right,
number
one,
and
say
you
will
get
punished
here
more
if
you
lie
about
the
mistake
than
tell
us
the
mistake
that
if
you
hide
the
indiscretion,
then
tell
us
the
indiscretion,
because
if
you
tell
us,
we
can
help
you.
If
you
tell
us
we
can
coach
you,
we
can
sit
down,
we
can
discuss
the
circumstances,
we
can
figure
out
alternatives,
if
you
felt
trapped,
we
can
work
together
to
figure
out
alternatives,
especially
if
it's
person
to
person,
because
we
have
solutions
for
that.
Right.
But
I
think
that's
what
these
systems
and
organizations
have
to
become.
They
have
to
become
coaching
organizations
rather
than
judging
organizations.
Well,
and
I
go
further,
is
that
the
army
is
a
profession
and
a
profession
means
that
we
have
these
kind
of
standards.
That
means
that
we
have
these
kinds
of
expectations.
But
it's
also
a
bureaucracy.
And
it
fights
between
these
two
identities,
the
bureaucracy
says,
tell
me
everything's
OK.
It
wants
statistics,
it
wants
metrics.
It
wants
all
the
measures
of
the
world
is
good.
That's
the
bureaucracy
kicking
in.
And
what
I
say
is
everything
that
you
said,
yes,
that
should
happen,
but
organizationally
I
think
we
have
to
tell
the
soldiers
saying
we
will
try
our
hardest
not
to
lead.
By
getting
you
to
tell
me
everything
is
OK.
We
have
to
create
a
safe
space
for
you
to
be
able
to
tell
me
that's
supposed
to
be
at
the
suggestion
boxes,
right?
Right.
That's
a
huge
step
you're
asking
for,
right?
That's
a
huge
step.
You're
asking
forI'm
an
idealist.
But
I'm
just
saying
the
system
cannot
rely
on
processes
and
checklists
that
you
force
the
person
to
tell
you
everything's
OK
because
they
know
that's
what
you
want
to
hear.
They
know
that
you
well-meaningly,
want
to
make
sure
every
soldier
drives
away
in
a
vehicle
that's
been
inspected.
But
don't
do
it
by
making
the
soldiers
say
my
vehicles
have
been
suspected.
Do
it
by
making
a
leader
go
down
thereand
checkand
spend
their
time
checking.
So
my
solution
to
your
question
is,
how
do
we
solve
this?
My
answer
is
leadership.
What
I'm
saying
is
leaders,
if
you
want
to
know
something
and
it's
really
that
important
that
you
will
spend
your
time
checking
on
it,
go
check
on
it.
If
you
want
to
know,
did
everyone
qualify
at
the
range,
then
sample
10
percent
of
them
and
you'll
find
out.
Did
everyone
really
qualify
at
the
range
instead
of
asking
for
a
rosterand
the
uncomfortable
part
of
this?
Is
that
we
discover
the
lie
when
the
vehicle
crashes
and
we
find
out
that
it
wasn't
inspected,and
then
we
find
out
that
the
entire
system
that
we've
been
relying
on
for
vehicle
maintenance
is
all
a
charade.
And
we
go
around,
it's
not
just
this
unit,
holy
mackerel,
this
unit,
this
unit.
No
one's
doing
this.
And
why
aren't
they
doing
it?
Because
they
view
it
as.
Ethically
fading,
they
really
don't
want
to
know
the
truth
here,
they
just
got
to
get
through
this
process
go
on
leaveand
this
has
nothing
to
do
with
the
military.
Your
career
happens
to
be
a
military
one
you
now
teach
at
the
military.
But
this
is
an
organizational
issue,Right.
Companies
are
exactly
the
same.
I
mean,
you
look
at
that
2008
housing
crisis,
everybody
was
saying
checks
and
balances
and
it's
safe
and
nobody
ever
checked.
Right.
Right.
Then
all
of
a
sudden,
all
of
the
corruption
or
instability
or
broken
systems
were
all
revealed
after
the
whole
thing
collapsed,
of
course.
Right.
Because
as
long
as
the
charade
is
working,
as
long
as
everybody
thinks
it's
stable,
including
us,
then
we
just
go
about
our
merry
way.
Right.
I
call
it
mutually
agreed
deception.
You
know,
I'm
lying.
I
know
I'm
lying.
But
neither
of
us
really
care.
So
let's
move
on
with
it.
It's
sort
of
like,
remember
the
old
days
when
we
scored
a
exit
row
seat?
And
the
flight
attendant
to
come
around
and
give
the
mandatory
talk
and
then
they
say,
are
you
willing
and
capable?
And
you
look
at
this
seventy-six
pound
person
sitting
beside
you
that,
you
know,
cannot
lift
that
exit
door
if
they
wanted
to.
Right.
Right.
Or
they
don't
speak
the
language
and,
you
know,
they
really
don't
know
what's
going
on.
And
they
said,
are
you
willing
and
capable
if
you
understand
everything.
So
respond
with
a
verbal
yes.
And
the
entire
row
would
say
yes.
And
then
you
say,
yeah,
right.
You
know,
so
it's
like
mutually
agreed
deception.
And
that's
what
we
can't
create
in
organizations,
is
that
they
know
we're
lying,
we
know
we're
lying
and
everyone's
happy
because
we
love
to
be
living
in
this
hypocritical
world
that
we've
created.
And
there's
laziness
all
around.
Right.
Right.
The
leader
doesn't
have
to
go
down
and
check
the
vehicles.
And
again,
it
doesn't
have
to
be
every
vehicle.
As
you
said,
it's
a
sampling.
You
can
do
sampling
or
you
can
do
it
randomly,
like
there
are
ways
around
this.
But
I
think
the
net
of
this
is
leadership
is
hard
work,leadership
is
hard
work,
and
you
can't
do
everything.
So
if
the
vehicles
being
inspected
is
that
important,
then
inspect
them.
But
if
it's
not
that
important
and
think
of
some
other
way.
It's
me
and
my
time
sheets
like
what
my
boss
should
have
done,
said
Simon,
I
know
you
left
at
seven
o'clock
the
other
night
because
you
and
I
met
at
six
o'clock.
So
why
don't
you
go
back
and
redo
your
time
sheets?
And
I
say,
Well,
boss,
I
don't
remember
what
times
I
came
and
left
because
I
haven't
done
these
in
three
weeks.
He's
going
to
say,
fine,
I'm
going
to
let
you
get
away
with
it
this
once.
But
now
I'm.
Right.
Are
we
satisfied
that
we
have
a
good
solution
here?
Look,
the
first
solution,
though,
is
admit
that
this
phenomenon
happens.
Yeah.
Because
then
we
self
regulate.
Then
we
say,
you
know,
I
think
I'm
starting
to
ethically
fail
here.
I
think
I've
come
up
with
excuses
because
I'm
just
trying
to
get
what
I
want.
So
that's
at
the
personal
level.
Then
we
kick
it
up
to
an
organizational
level
and
we
start
saying,
wait
a
minute,
am
I
forcing
the
employees
or
subordinates
to
lie
on
this
because.
I
just
want
them
to
know
that
this
is
important
and
now
I'm
making
them
say
this,
so
at
the
personal
level,
we
have
to
admit
it
and
then
say,
am
I
doing
it?
At
the
organizational
level,
we
have
to
say
to
ourselves,
am
I
creating
a
culture
where
I'm
expecting
people
to
lie
to
me?
And
so
I
shouldn't
do
thatleadership
is
not
always
at
the
top
of
the
organization,
being
a
whistleblower
is
a
form
of
leadership
where
I'm
going
to
point
out
what
you
are
making
us
do,
the
system
that
you've
created
for
whatever
short
term
gains
is
forcing
behaviors
in
this
organization
that
are
unethical
and
sometimes
illegal,
and
because
we
said
leadership
is
hard
work.
I'm
going
to
be
the
one
to
call
it
out
and
tell
my
boss
and
say,
hey,
boss,
I
need
to
have
an
uncomfortable
conversation
with
you.
The
risk
is
you
could
lose
your
job.
And
that's
why
I
temper
that
with
saying
I
don't
advocate
whistleblowing.
I
advocate
get
with
your
buddies.
And
when
you
go
into
the
meeting,
you
say,
let's
tell
the
truth.
Finally,
we
get
to
tell
the
truth
on
this
as
a
group
on
this
and
this.
But
she
doesn't
want
to
hear
the
truth
on
this,
so
we'll
just
ignore
that
for
now.
But
on
these
three
things,
we're
going
to
go
with
the
truth.
And
if
she
wants
to
tell
us
the
lie
to
her,
we're
going
to
make
her
tell
us
so
I
don't
go
for
the
whistle
blowing
because
that'll
be
the
last
whistle
you
blow
in
the
organization
if
you
do
that.
But
this
is
very,
very,
very
important.
What
you're
talking
about,
which
is
it
is
a
form
of
whistle
blowing,
but
there's
safety
in
numbers.
If
I
go
into
my
boss's
office,
I'm
going
to
lose
my
job.
But
if
I
get
together
with
my
colleagues,
we
all
know
what
we
are
subjected
to.
And
if
we
go
in
and
say
this
is
what
is
happening,
we
need
you
to
be
aware.
We're
not
accusing
you
of
anything.
We
want
you
to
be
aware
of
this.
And
if
you
want
this
to
continue,
we
need
you
to
tell
us
to
lie.
Exactly.
Like
I
said,
you
got
to
use
your
wisdom
on
saying,
look,
she's
backed
into
a
wall
on
thisnumberit
be
an
accusation.
It
has
to
be
a
discussion
of
the
situation
we're
in
and
the
pressures
we're
under.
Not
like,
boss,
you're
a
liar.
You're
making
us
a
liar
because
then
they're
going
to
dig
in
their
heelsand
to
openly
understand
reality.
OK,
boss,
you
need
us
to
lie
to
you
on
this
one.
But
on
these,
I
think
you
could
cut
us
a
break.
It
would
be
better
for
us
and
you
if
we
had
a
relationship
where
you
trusted
us
to
tell
you
the
truth
on
everything
that
we
could.
That's
the
ideal
because
we
live
in
an
imperfect
system
and
imperfect
people.
So
let's
try
to
do
as
best
as
we
can,
given
who
we
are
and
where
we
live.
If
I
were
to
summarize
what
I've
learned
in
this
ethical
is
a
real
thing.
And
it
is
a
fact
we're
all
human.
Yeah.
Fact
all
organizations
are
made
up
of
human
beings,
so
of
all
human
beings
are
imperfect
and
at
various
times
we're
all
hypocrites
and
we
lie.
Then
that
means
that
every
organization
which
is
made
up
with
all
these
imperfect
beings
at
various
points
are
hypocrites
and
systemic
lying,
institutionalized
lying.
Yeah.
So
what
we
should
do
is
sensitize
ourselves
to
what
is
this
phenomenon?
I
do
it.
When
do
I
do
it?
I
want
to
minimize
that.
But
then
there's
a
next
step
and
say,
and
I
don't
want
to
be
a
party
to
creating
that
environment
for
somebody
else.
And
I
choose
to
be
a
part
of
a
solution.
I
choose
to
be
a
part
of
moving
myself,
my
friends,
my
organization,
towards
being
more
honest,
more
ethical
every
day.
And
so
when
I
find
myself
in
the
situation,
I
will
be
the
leader
I
wish
I
had,
I
will
gather
my
friends
together,
we
will
lead
in
a
productive
manner,
make
these
things
known
so
that
we
can,
as
a
collective
with
our
superiors
and
our
subordinates,
find
a
solution.
And
if
our
bosses
are
under
such
extreme
pressure
that
they
want
us
to
continue
to
lie,
then
at
least
be
honest
about
the
lying.
Tell
us
to
our
face
I
want
you
to
lie,
which
most
will
struggle
to
do.
They
will
use
euphemisms.
Guys,
guys,
I
don't
want
you
to
lie.
We
have
to
hit
our
shareholder
value.
Of
course,
I
don't
want
you
to
lie,
but
we
have
to
complete
our
requirements
and
to
continue
to
point
out
to
the
hypocrisy
until
either
there's
a
solution
or
an
instruction
to
lie.
And
because
the
instruction
to
lie
is
way
too
difficult
for
someone
to
give,
we
hope
that
they
choose
the
easier
option,
which
is
to
find
a
solution,
which
isn't
that
what
we
all
want
anyway?
What
you're
essentially
saying
is
take
down
the
facade.
The
facade
of
everything
is
perfect,
everyone's
telling
the
truth.
Take
that
down
and
say,
OK,
look,
this
is
the
way
it
is,
this
is
reality.
Let's
be
truthful
with
one
another.
It's
really
what
it
is.
And
so
that's
not
a
bad
conclusion
to
this
whole
discussion.
We
had
SimonLenny
from
one
imperfect
person
to
another
imperfect
person.
I'm
glad
that
we
had
an
imperfect
conversation.
Who
would
have
thought
we'd
get
together,
both
admit
that
we're
imperfectand
I
feel
a
little
bit
closer
to
perfect
in
my
perfect
way
today.
It's
been
fun.
Thanks
for
your
time.
I
really
do
enjoy
talking
to
you.
All
right.
Take
care.
If
you
enjoyed
this
podcast
and
if
you'd
like
to
hear
more,
please
subscribe
wherever
you
like
to
listen
to
podcasts.
Until
then,
take
care
of
yourself.
Take
care
of
each
other.
Check out more A Bit of Optimism

See below for the full transcript

Are you honest? Let me ask the question a different way. Have you ever told a lie? You can see the problem. We've all told little white lies. Some of us have even told more than that. This, unfortunately, is more pervasive than we think. It's called ethical. And it's something that Dr. has spent many years studying. He spent 20 years in the military studying why good cultures turned bad. And I actually learned about ethical from him in a world in which everybody's trying to get ahead. And sometimes we do so by doing things that are ethically questionable. The question is, what can we do about it? This is a bit of optimism. Lenny, so good to see you. Good to see you, Simon. You and I met a bunch of years ago. I heard you speak at a conference and you were the one who introduced me to this concept of ethical fading, which I ended up writing about in The Infinite Game. Correct. This concept I find so fascinating. And unfortunately, the reason I think it's fascinating is it's pervasive in our society today. Correct me if I get this wrong, but ethical fading is the phenomenon where a large group of people, a culture of an organization, make unethical decisions, believing that they are well within their own ethical framework. They don't believe they've done anything wrong. And yet, from an outsider in, it is so obvious that something has gone haywire. For example, a pharmaceutical company that owns the patent to an essential drug and will raise the price 500 percent, 600 percent, 800 percent, 1000 percent, though not illegal, highly unethical. And the people inside that organization will shrug their shoulders and say there's nothing wrong with it. Right, it's temporarily suspending any notion of right or wrong, and it's very closely related to moral disengagement. So the ethical fading came from a professor of psychology and Tenbrunsel. It's basically setting aside the ethical dilemma because you just say, well, there's no ethics involved in this. This is just a decision. It's a business decision. It's a cost benefit analysis whatever. But there are no ethics involved in this. And so we could just move on and make the decision. AndTenbrunsel calls it a form of of self-deception, which I find very interesting as well. Not only is that you said it's it's amazing that it's so pervasive to me. It's amazing that we don't even know it, that it's so pervasive, but we refuse to look it in the face because, I think it collapses so much of what humans do and we rationalize away and it's an ugly thing to look at, to admit that, no, you just told a lie and you just don't want to admit it. Right. Some of the things that go into that self-deception we've all done. Let's be honest. We've all done it. Right. It's so pervasive. So, for example, everyone's doing it. I had no choice. That's what my boss wanted me to do. And this is my favorite one. It's the system. Right. So in an organization where all of the pressures upon someone is to do things that are in self-interest of the organization, so they want you to hit a number at an arbitrary date, all the incentives pressure them to hit that number. So both incentives and disincentives, massive amounts of them are thrust upon a person because a few people at the top have thought that this number is more important than anything else. And at the rank and file, what ends up happening is they do anything to appease their boss, fit the incentive program avoid getting in trouble or worse. One person does something highly unethical, like at Wells Fargo Bank, where thousands of people open millions of fake bank accounts and other things. It started, I assume, because one or two people tried it and somebody went, good job and everybody else did it. Right, right. And in those cases, it's the system. And really what we're expecting that person, 14 levels below is not for them to tell the truth in the first place because we want them to lie to us. Do you equate ethical fading and lying as synonymous? For me. the example. But I think ethical fading really is the ability to develop hypocrisy in our own minds and live with it. How do we live with ourselves? And the answer is ethically. I've been in the Army uniform for 20 years now as a civilian for 20 years. And so in the Army, you view yourself as a moral upright cut above and to hear ourselves admit to lying. That really goes against who we think we are. Ethical allows us to live with who we really are and who we think we are. And this goes way back to what Jesus accused the Pharisees of doing, because, like, you guys are hypocrites, because you're telling everyone to do this. And when you really look at it, you're not doing it yourselves. And so it's very human, but it's very ugly. And that's why I say, especially in my organization, the military, we don't like to look at it because it really attacks who we say and think we are. And perhaps the greatest form of honesty is to look at oneself and say, I was dishonest. Correct, but look at all the creeds and codes that we have that say you will never lie, cheat or steal. Your word is sacred. And it is. But we're also human. How do you have an inspirational, aspirational organization and yet you fill with humans? That's what's really hard. So we can do tell everyone you're really not as good as you think you are, or we could say you're the best, but let's ignore all this humanness that creeps out every once in a while. Yeah. How did your interest in this show up? So I did a study back in the early two thousands with a friend named Steve, and it's called Lying to Ourselves, where we address this going on in the army and saying we have a problem. I looked at all the requirements we placed on junior officers, and what we discovered was junior officers have about two hundred fifty six available training days. And when you add up every single requirement that we put on them, it equates to about two hundred ninety seven training days. And so it's physically impossible to accomplish everything that the Army tells them to do in the amount of time we give them to do it. How can we ever develop innovative officers when all they do is run around doing what we tell them to do? But what always bothered me when I wrote that study is if they can't literally do it in the time period we give them, what are they reporting? And so that haunted me for about a decade. And so I was sitting in my co-authors office, Steve, and I said, Steve, I got a research project I'd like to work on. He says "what?" I said. I think even though we don't think we're lying, we're lying to ourselves,, I don't know what you're talking about. I am an honest person. You ask my wife one thing, she knows I will never lie to her and typing on his computer. I said, I think there's something there. Are you listening to me? says, yeah I am listening. He keeps typing away, what are you doing? And he says, I'm filling in all the mandatory training, were supposed to do saying I did it. And he was filling it all out. And I said, that's exactly what I'm talking about. How could you sit there and do that? And yet we tell ourselves we're honest people. At the Army War College, we have a lesson on ethics and ethical. We always talk about it. But finally, we were confronting it up in our face that this happens. So this got reinforced. I was talking to a civilian friend of mine and he's talking about his wife had to move up in the organization because they had fired somebody. And I said, what did they fire him for? He said, well, the person was falsifying training rosters. They were saying people were attending training who never did. And it made me realize we have really developed a culture where ethical feeding is pervasive, it's allowed, it's not talked about, and it's impacting all aspects of our life. So that's how we got started on this. So the fun example that I talk about where I suffered was I had a job where out of the blue the company announced that we had to start filling out timesheets. Now, I worked 100 percent on one account. What do you need to know? I know. Yeah. You know, so we had to hand them in weekly. I never handed my time sheets on time because I'm just terrible at that kind of stuff. And so I would get in trouble. So I would sit down for the entire week on Friday morning and I would fill out my time sheets right in at 9:00 out at 5:00 now. I often showed up at whatever time and I always left later, but who cares? So in nine out, five in nine out, five in, nine out, five done. And I think maybe I was two weeks or three weeks behind because, you know, I'm late. So I'm filling out two or three weeks worth of time sheets here and out, in and out exactly the same time. Every single day I go to my boss because somebody has to sign off on my time sheets. And he looks at them and he says, boy, you're a very consistent worker, aren't you? Basically pointing out to me that he knows I fudged my sheets and then he signs them. Right. And we go about our day. And that's I look at the organizations. Organizations create these systems that everyone looks at and says that system isn't real. So we create in our mind an imaginary line that says that's the fake world, that's the world we lie to, because someone came up with that system, that process that they really don't want truth. They just want you to fill it out so all columns are lined up. That's where organizations fall and encourage ethical fading. We're not really looking for the truth. What we really want knows. Simon, did you put in an honest work week? Yeah, I did. OK, here, fill out these time sheets and lie to me. Right, just reinforce the narrative that we all want to believe. Language is a big deal here as well. It's the overuse of euphemisms like in the United States. Torture violates our values. We would never, ever torture. But enhanced interrogation is extremely helpful. Right. Or in the business world or in our personal world, we would never spy on our customers. But data mining. So helpful. So valuable. Right. Or even referring to human beings as data points. Right. And the overuse of this language where we literally dehumanize people so we can distance ourselves from the impact we may have on their lives or we create euphemisms so we can again create distance from the impact of our decisions because it just makes it easier. Right. Because we don't like the harsh reality of to say, well, I lied. So instead, we heard things like just telling them what they want to hear while you're lying. Or the best one I heard is that's not lying. That's good leadership. I had my boss when I was starting to do this study, came in and said, so what's the study you're working on? I told him and he says, I don't know what you're talking about. I just don't see any evidence of that. And so I said, well, wait a minute, according to the regulations, I'm supposed to get quarterly counseling from you on how I'm doing. We've never done that. And yet every annual counseling, there's all these different dates with your initials by it on how we met and talked. I said we never met and talked. What do you call that? And he says, that's not lying. That's protecting my boss. And so we don't like to hear those words lying or I didn't tell the truth. And even when we came to write up the study, it was hard to write down. That we lie, so we were even looking for different ways of saying lying because it's such a harsh, in-your-face word that makes us confront the evilness that we all know. So here's the uncomfortable question. Is it ever OK to lie? I think the answer is, is no. Then you have to ask the secondary question. Are you ever boxed in where you have to lie? Not that it's OK. I think that's what we have to transmit, is that we're human. And so it's not like the organization is trying to teach these people to be perfect because we can't expect you to be perfect because you're human. So we understand that, yes, there will be times that you will lie, but we want you to know you should never have to lie. I'm uncomfortable with this idea of the box because who sets the edges? Exactly right. And that's the problem. So there was a study done about child development and they did these wonderfully innovative experiments to show the development of a child's mind, of which one of them was learning to lie because little kids don't lie. Right. They tell you everything to a fault. And the point that was made in the study was that lying is an important social convention. And the experiment that they set up was a mother and her friend who are both in on the experiment, meet for lunch and the mother brings her little kid. And the friend gives the mother a gift. And the mother says, thank you. I love it, and the kid immediately says, no, you don't. You hate it. And the mother says, No, I love it. And the kids says, no, you have one just like this at home. And you always talk about how much you hate it. And the kid hadn't learned, yet, this social convention that we have to tell what is a lie in order to not hurt someone's feelings. Right, right. But I think the ideal in that is to tell the child it's never good to lie. But, Mom, you just lied. I know. And I wish I didn't have to lie. So I call B.S. . All right. the conversation, what else what else do I talk about, Simon? Listen, I'll tell you why. Because what you said, I wish I didn't have to, but I do. exactly it. But that's the problem, Lenny, which is if we could all get away with saying, I wish I didn't have to, but I do, it at least makes us aware of the lie. But then we go right back to where we started, which is I have to to get ahead. I got to put food on the table. That's what my boss wants me to do. Everybody's doing it. I'm going to get in trouble. Right. It's the first inch of that slippery slope that you start sliding down. Wait, wait. What if we find new ways to tell the truth? As opposed to lying. Because, look, your work screwed with my head,, like you keep me up at night, right? You're the reason. Go back to the example of the gift. Fine, I'll give it to you. The mistake she made was saying, "I love it."Right. Thank you so much for thinking of me. No issue. Oh, you didn't have to give me a gift. This is so kind of you. The mistake she made was, I love it, the effusive thanks for the generosity and thinking of her was where she should have stopped. Yeah, I'm not going to ever give you a gift. First of all, Simon is here, but. Yes, but Simon, what if the person says, did you like the gift? Right now you play a game of obfuscation, which is unfair. Right. I got your gift. Did you like it? I mean, this happened to me where I went to see a friend's play, and it was easily the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. I mean, it was abominable. Right. And I meet my friend backstage right after the play. She's still in costume. She's still in makeup. The adrenaline is still pumping. And of course, the first question out of her mouth is, what did you think? Right now, she knows me to be an honest broker. And I say, oh, it was so fantastic seeing you on the stage. I'm so proud of you all true. That was good. So this is what I've started to learn, which is honesty doesn't have to happen in the moment. It can happen at a later date. I still wanted to answer her question, but the problem was she was so jacked up on adrenaline and the timing was too soon that had I said it now, the delta of her excitement to where I was going to put her, that's what would have made her upset. So the next day, when the adrenaline was down and her baseline was lower, I said, hey, can I tell you what I thought about your play yesterday? She goes, Yeah, I'd love to know. And I said, You know what? I got to tell you, the script was weak. The directing was weak. You know, wonderful to watch you, but I felt sorry for you. In the middle of it. She goes, it wasn't good. She could now have a rational conversation with me where the day before, there's no way she could have a rational conversation with me. So the challenge that I put to myself is I have to always be honest, but I don't always have to make that on a statement in the moment. Right. But I didn't lie. I think that's a great strategy when dealing with people. But I have to challenge what happens when you're dealing with a faceless system. What happens when you're dealing with a bureaucracy that is demanding time sheets, so when you're dealing with people, A, that's the way to go because people are malleable and I think you're taking advantage of that. Simon, I don't think you would lie to me and hopefully you don't think I would lie to you, but I got a feeling both of us would lie to a system. Yeah. And that's part of the ethical is one of the thing is you said it yourself. Dist. have me talk to a computer and put in my ID card and digitally sign it. That's so much easier than you look at me in the face and you saying, did you like my podcast? And so organizations are faceless. And a lot of times that ethical is so much easier because we're digitally signing it or. I read your agreement thing in the beginning. That's twenty two pages long. I read it and understand and agree to it. Sure, I'll do that. We've all agreed to everything none of us have ever read it. I know if they just said I agree and didn't say I read and understand, be fine. But I didn't read it. I didn't understand it. But I want my product so give it to me, you know. And so that's what I'm saying. When you're talking person to person, ethical fading doesn't happen as readily as put me in front of a kiosk, put me in front of a tollbooth, put me in front of something I want that's just blocking me from getting something I need. Hey, I hate to say it. We're human now. You've got to be careful. I'm not making excuses for lying. I understand. Hypocrisy is the word that you used before to explain this. And it seems to me and I can only refer to my own lifetime because I didn't live earlier, but if you look at how divided our nation is, if we sit back in our academic ivory towers and you evaluate without putting our own points of views and political points of views on what either side is saying, both sides are filled with unbelievable hypocrisy. And the funny thing is, is the attack that one side makes on the other side is to point out their hypocrisy. But the hypocrisy on both sides that a party or a group of people hold two opinions that are absolutely diametrically opposed in logic. Right. But what we say is you're a hypocrite. And what's implied is and I'm not. And I'm not. And that's not true. The answer really is you're a hypocrite and I'm a hypocrite. And if anyone could do that, if a party could do that, if a group of people in debate could do that, that seems to me like the most essential starting point to actually get to progress and conclusion. Right. Because what's wrong with admitting that we're human now? Some humans are more despicable than other humans. So we'll say let's take them out of the picture. But still, there's nothing wrong with saying I'm human. I haven't led a perfect life. I will find dirt on anybody because I think they are human, too. But and this goes back to the army. We create a type of person that we say, oh, an Army officer never tells a lie. Now, they should never tell a lie. They should think lies are wrong. But they should also admit that they're human because that's part of self awareness. But this binary world that we live in, I really love this. I mean, simply saying, look, you're a hypocrite. We shouldn't actually attack the person. We should attack the behavior. Let's start there. OKSo what you said was hypocritical. That is pure hypocrisy. And we are hypocrites to just hearing that, just saying those words out loud to you. It lets the pressure out that we can actually have a rational conversation now. But you'll never get elected office, Simon. Or would you? Yeah, that's a good question, is our society ready for that? One of the hardest places I've had this discussion with was at West Point. Because at West Point, a cadet will not lie, cheat or steal or tolerate those who do, and it is very binary. Now, what's nice about West Point is West Point started saying that is a very tall hurdle for any young person. And so it used to be that you got kicked out if you violated that at all. Now, what they've discovered is that you could make a mistake and you realize that a cadet should not lie, cheat or steal or tolerate those who do. But we're not going to kick you out because that would cause you to lie about the fact that you did make a transgression. We're going to offer now discretion. We're going to have you be developed. We'll have you meet with a mentor and discuss what happened. And we'll work through it. See, what we should to do is you're human. You aspire to be a person who never lied to you. And more importantly, you aspire. And we will help you. Exactly. And we all admit lying is not good. The system is designed to help you. Right. But we're not going to say. And the consequences of lying are so steep that you won't even admit you lie. I got this from your work that the punishment for telling the truth was greater. Then the punishment for lying, right? If you told the truth, I didn't complete this, it would hurt your promote ability. But if you lied, you're more likely to get promoted. If everyone else is lying to, then it makes it easier. So we start creating an expectation that you have to be perfect. When you're talking about young people, we talk about soldiers. When you talk about employees, when you're talking about children, we have to really think hard if you expecting them to be perfect. What do you expect them to do when something isn't perfect? The obvious next step for us to talk about is, well, how do we change this, like how do we combat ethical and what's the solution? Yeah, I'm just an academic, so I don't come up with actual answers. SoBut I think you're on to something here, which is the solution is to turn truth and honesty not into an absolute but into an ideal, a striving. It's an idealism. It is still an absolute. OK, OK, an aspirational absolute rather than a current state absolute. Right. It's still an absolute it's still something everyone should strive for. And yes, we could draw the line and say, no, that was not truthful. So it's absolute. But what we can't do is say and I want you to surround me with all these people that never lie. I want you to surround me in a system that always tells me exactly what I want to hear and somehow live in that system, because that's a false world. I think this is where the solution lies. This has to be a striving or an organization, we say we believe honesty is important. The whenever the companies give me their list of values and honesty is one of them, I always make fun of them. Like if you have to write honesty on the wall, you've got bigger problems. But we believe telling the truth is important. By the way, everybody thinks they're honest. First of all, it has to be a verb. Tell the truth. That's number one, because everybody knows they don't always tell the truth, but everybody thinks they're honest. So tell the truth. Right, number one, and say you will get punished here more if you lie about the mistake than tell us the mistake that if you hide the indiscretion, then tell us the indiscretion, because if you tell us, we can help you. If you tell us we can coach you, we can sit down, we can discuss the circumstances, we can figure out alternatives, if you felt trapped, we can work together to figure out alternatives, especially if it's person to person, because we have solutions for that. Right. But I think that's what these systems and organizations have to become. They have to become coaching organizations rather than judging organizations. Well, and I go further, is that the army is a profession and a profession means that we have these kind of standards. That means that we have these kinds of expectations. But it's also a bureaucracy. And it fights between these two identities, the bureaucracy says, tell me everything's OK. It wants statistics, it wants metrics. It wants all the measures of the world is good. That's the bureaucracy kicking in. And what I say is everything that you said, yes, that should happen, but organizationally I think we have to tell the soldiers saying we will try our hardest not to lead. By getting you to tell me everything is OK. We have to create a safe space for you to be able to tell me that's supposed to be at the suggestion boxes, right? Right. That's a huge step you're asking for, right? That's a huge step. You're asking forI'm an idealist. But I'm just saying the system cannot rely on processes and checklists that you force the person to tell you everything's OK because they know that's what you want to hear. They know that you well-meaningly, want to make sure every soldier drives away in a vehicle that's been inspected. But don't do it by making the soldiers say my vehicles have been suspected. Do it by making a leader go down thereand checkand spend their time checking. So my solution to your question is, how do we solve this? My answer is leadership. What I'm saying is leaders, if you want to know something and it's really that important that you will spend your time checking on it, go check on it. If you want to know, did everyone qualify at the range, then sample 10 percent of them and you'll find out. Did everyone really qualify at the range instead of asking for a rosterand the uncomfortable part of this? Is that we discover the lie when the vehicle crashes and we find out that it wasn't inspected,and then we find out that the entire system that we've been relying on for vehicle maintenance is all a charade. And we go around, it's not just this unit, holy mackerel, this unit, this unit. No one's doing this. And why aren't they doing it? Because they view it as. Ethically fading, they really don't want to know the truth here, they just got to get through this process go on leaveand this has nothing to do with the military. Your career happens to be a military one you now teach at the military. But this is an organizational issue,Right. Companies are exactly the same. I mean, you look at that 2008 housing crisis, everybody was saying checks and balances and it's safe and nobody ever checked. Right. Right. Then all of a sudden, all of the corruption or instability or broken systems were all revealed after the whole thing collapsed, of course. Right. Because as long as the charade is working, as long as everybody thinks it's stable, including us, then we just go about our merry way. Right. I call it mutually agreed deception. You know, I'm lying. I know I'm lying. But neither of us really care. So let's move on with it. It's sort of like, remember the old days when we scored a exit row seat? And the flight attendant to come around and give the mandatory talk and then they say, are you willing and capable? And you look at this seventy-six pound person sitting beside you that, you know, cannot lift that exit door if they wanted to. Right. Right. Or they don't speak the language and, you know, they really don't know what's going on. And they said, are you willing and capable if you understand everything. So respond with a verbal yes. And the entire row would say yes. And then you say, yeah, right. You know, so it's like mutually agreed deception. And that's what we can't create in organizations, is that they know we're lying, we know we're lying and everyone's happy because we love to be living in this hypocritical world that we've created. And there's laziness all around. Right. Right. The leader doesn't have to go down and check the vehicles. And again, it doesn't have to be every vehicle. As you said, it's a sampling. You can do sampling or you can do it randomly, like there are ways around this. But I think the net of this is leadership is hard work,leadership is hard work, and you can't do everything. So if the vehicles being inspected is that important, then inspect them. But if it's not that important and think of some other way. It's me and my time sheets like what my boss should have done, said Simon, I know you left at seven o'clock the other night because you and I met at six o'clock. So why don't you go back and redo your time sheets? And I say, Well, boss, I don't remember what times I came and left because I haven't done these in three weeks. He's going to say, fine, I'm going to let you get away with it this once. But now I'm. Right. Are we satisfied that we have a good solution here? Look, the first solution, though, is admit that this phenomenon happens. Yeah. Because then we self regulate. Then we say, you know, I think I'm starting to ethically fail here. I think I've come up with excuses because I'm just trying to get what I want. So that's at the personal level. Then we kick it up to an organizational level and we start saying, wait a minute, am I forcing the employees or subordinates to lie on this because. I just want them to know that this is important and now I'm making them say this, so at the personal level, we have to admit it and then say, am I doing it? At the organizational level, we have to say to ourselves, am I creating a culture where I'm expecting people to lie to me? And so I shouldn't do thatleadership is not always at the top of the organization, being a whistleblower is a form of leadership where I'm going to point out what you are making us do, the system that you've created for whatever short term gains is forcing behaviors in this organization that are unethical and sometimes illegal, and because we said leadership is hard work. I'm going to be the one to call it out and tell my boss and say, hey, boss, I need to have an uncomfortable conversation with you. The risk is you could lose your job. And that's why I temper that with saying I don't advocate whistleblowing. I advocate get with your buddies. And when you go into the meeting, you say, let's tell the truth. Finally, we get to tell the truth on this as a group on this and this. But she doesn't want to hear the truth on this, so we'll just ignore that for now. But on these three things, we're going to go with the truth. And if she wants to tell us the lie to her, we're going to make her tell us so I don't go for the whistle blowing because that'll be the last whistle you blow in the organization if you do that. But this is very, very, very important. What you're talking about, which is it is a form of whistle blowing, but there's safety in numbers. If I go into my boss's office, I'm going to lose my job. But if I get together with my colleagues, we all know what we are subjected to. And if we go in and say this is what is happening, we need you to be aware. We're not accusing you of anything. We want you to be aware of this. And if you want this to continue, we need you to tell us to lie. Exactly. Like I said, you got to use your wisdom on saying, look, she's backed into a wall on thisnumberit be an accusation. It has to be a discussion of the situation we're in and the pressures we're under. Not like, boss, you're a liar. You're making us a liar because then they're going to dig in their heelsand to openly understand reality. OK, boss, you need us to lie to you on this one. But on these, I think you could cut us a break. It would be better for us and you if we had a relationship where you trusted us to tell you the truth on everything that we could. That's the ideal because we live in an imperfect system and imperfect people. So let's try to do as best as we can, given who we are and where we live. If I were to summarize what I've learned in this ethical is a real thing. And it is a fact we're all human. Yeah. Fact all organizations are made up of human beings, so of all human beings are imperfect and at various times we're all hypocrites and we lie. Then that means that every organization which is made up with all these imperfect beings at various points are hypocrites and systemic lying, institutionalized lying. Yeah. So what we should do is sensitize ourselves to what is this phenomenon? I do it. When do I do it? I want to minimize that. But then there's a next step and say, and I don't want to be a party to creating that environment for somebody else. And I choose to be a part of a solution. I choose to be a part of moving myself, my friends, my organization, towards being more honest, more ethical every day. And so when I find myself in the situation, I will be the leader I wish I had, I will gather my friends together, we will lead in a productive manner, make these things known so that we can, as a collective with our superiors and our subordinates, find a solution. And if our bosses are under such extreme pressure that they want us to continue to lie, then at least be honest about the lying. Tell us to our face I want you to lie, which most will struggle to do. They will use euphemisms. Guys, guys, I don't want you to lie. We have to hit our shareholder value. Of course, I don't want you to lie, but we have to complete our requirements and to continue to point out to the hypocrisy until either there's a solution or an instruction to lie. And because the instruction to lie is way too difficult for someone to give, we hope that they choose the easier option, which is to find a solution, which isn't that what we all want anyway? What you're essentially saying is take down the facade. The facade of everything is perfect, everyone's telling the truth. Take that down and say, OK, look, this is the way it is, this is reality. Let's be truthful with one another. It's really what it is. And so that's not a bad conclusion to this whole discussion. We had SimonLenny from one imperfect person to another imperfect person. I'm glad that we had an imperfect conversation. Who would have thought we'd get together, both admit that we're imperfectand I feel a little bit closer to perfect in my perfect way today. It's been fun. Thanks for your time. I really do enjoy talking to you. All right. Take care. If you enjoyed this podcast and if you'd like to hear more, please subscribe wherever you like to listen to podcasts. Until then, take care of yourself. Take care of each other.

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