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A Bit of Optimism - Generosity with Ann Marie Scichili

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In life we learn different things from different people. From my friend, retail executive Ann Marie Scichili, I learned about generosity. So, in the spirit of generosity I wanted to share her with you. This is… A Bit of Optimism.

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In
life,
we
learn
different
things
from
different
people.
This
is
one
of
the
values
of
having
a
diverse
set
of
friends,
a
lot
of
people
turned
to
my
friend
Annie
because
she's
a
successful
retail
executive
for
me.
However,
I
learned
what
it
means
to
be
generous
from.
I
learned
so
much
from
her.
And
so
I
thought
the
generous
thing
to
do
would
be
to
share
Annie
with
you.
This
is
a
bit
of
optimism.
more
today,
do
you
know
what
I
wanted
to
talk
to
you
about?
I
want
to
talk
to
you
about
generosity,
and
the
reason
I
want
to
talk
to
you
about
generosity
is
because
I
think
you're
the
most
generous
person
I've
ever
met
in
my
entire
life.
Oh,
my
God.
And
I've
met
some
pretty
generous
people
you
give
of
yourself
in
a
way
that
I've
never
seen.
And
I've
seen
you
around
your
other
friends.
Everyone
feels
that
about
you.
I
don't
know
how
you
have
the
time
and
energy
to
give
that
much
of
yourself
to
so
many
people.
Everyone
I
know
who
knows
you
loves
you
because
you
make
us
feel
special.
You
make
us
feel
like
we're
the
only
person
that
matters
in
the
world,
and
the
reason
I
wanted
to
talk
to
you
about
it
is
because
I
want
to
learn
how
to
do
that
because
I
don't
know
how
to
do
that.
Did
you
learn
it?
Well,r
first
of
all,
I
don't
even
know
how
to
respond
to
that
other
than
I
think
you're
crazy.
And
I
appreciate
it
very
much.
I
think
that,
as
with
anything,
it's
a
learned
action.
And
I
would
say
that,
hokey
as
it
might
sound,
it
starts
with
my
parents.
So
I
have
been
given
the
example
from
the
minute
I
was
born
until
today
of
just
how
that
can
make
you
feel
and
how
you
can
make
somebody
else
feel
no
matter
if
it's
something
super
small
or
something
actually
quite
big.
Making
an
effort
makes
all
the
difference
in
the
world,
and
I
think
that
that
affects
anything
and
everything
you
have
in
your
life,
whether
it
be
friends,
a
husband,
boyfriend,
whatever,
or
work
colleagues
or
the
guy
in
the
gas
station,
I
do
believe
it
costs
nothing.
For
me,
it
doesn't
take
an
extra
effort.
I
watched
the
selflessness
of
my
parents.
We
grew
up
with
not
a
ton
of
money
and
the
church
was
our
place
to
go
and
it
didn't
matter
who
needed
help.
Everybody
showed
up.
And
I
think
showing
up
is
a
really
big
deal.
I
think
showing
up
makes
all
the
difference
in
the
world
and
you
can't
buy
that.
How
did
you
learn
to
anticipate?
Because
you're
good
at
that.
Like,
I'll
say
something
in
passing
and
you
bring
it
up
or
it'll
show
up
weeks
later.
Do
you
make
a
mental
note
or
do
you
physically
write
these
things
down?
So
if
I
go
back
to
really
early
childhood,
I
was
taught
and
I
observed
at
a
very
early
age
that
anything
is
possible
and
if
you
want
something,
you
can
go
and
get
it.
And
I
watched
again
my
parents
or
those
around
my
parents
who,
if
they
wanted
a
law
changed
or
the
price
to
pay
attention.
My
mother
went
and
slept
in
front
of
the
church
for
whatever
it
took
for
the
priest
to
come
outside
and
finally
talk
to
her.
You
always
have
time.
You're
an
incredibly
busy
person.
You're
up
early,
early
morning
and
your
work
to
late.
And
you're
always
on
the
phone.
You're
always
on.
You're
always
talking
to
all
parts
of
the
world.
And
yet
if
I
call
you,
you
take
the
call
like
you
always
have
time.
And
I'm
not
the
only
person
who
calls
you
and
I'm
not
the
only
person
who
loves
you.
And
I'm
not
the
only
person
who
you
give
to.
There's
only
24
hours
in
a
day.
You
seem
to
get
twenty
eight
out.
You
know,
it
fills
my
soul
as
much
as
it
does
yours
or
anybody
else.
I
have
the
absolute
gift
of
having
a
large
group
of
friends
and
people
around
me
that
are
extraordinary
people
starting
with
you.
And
I
could
make
a
really
strong
list
of
these
people,
which
I'm
very
fortunate
to
have.
It
would
be
very
difficult
not
to
take
a
call
because
it
makes
me
feel
better.
It's
not
for
you.
It's
it's
a
selfish
thing
to
do
to
take
a
call
from
you
or
other
friends.
And
I
do
find
in
this
last
bit
of
time,
especially
at
times,
strong
personalities
like
you
and
I
and
those
that
give
more
than,
say,
others,
or
it's
more
common
or
easier
sometimes.
Forget
that
we
need
something.
And
somebody
like
you
and
others
in
my
life
have
really
shown
up
in
these
last
months
when
something's
happened
or,
you
know,
that
I'm
working
too
hard
or
I'm
tired
or
whatever.
So
I
do
think
that
I've
established
or
I've
received
a
very
good
give
and
take.
The
bucket
is
more
than
half
full.
I'm
not
constantly
giving
out.
Do
you
know
how
to
ask
for
help?
You
make
me
address
that
question
because
you're
always
in
giving
mode.
Yeah,
I
think
that's
probably
one
of
the
negatives
being
available
is
your
cup
runs
out,
your
gas
runs
out.
You
know,
you
are
going
to
get
tired.
I
have
a
pretty
strong
threshold,
but
that
is
probably
one
of
the
drawbacks
for
any
of
it
for
sure.
The
thing
that
I
find
really
interesting,
there
seems
to
be
a
precursor
to
generosity.
And
you
touched
upon
it
just
a
second
ago,
which
is
gratitude,
which
is
a
very
interesting
before
you
can
be
generous,
you
have
to
be
grateful.
The
question
is,
is
if
somebody
generous
without
gratitude,
it's
almost
artificial,
right?
It's
almost
because
they
feel
they
have
to
be
or
it's
it's
because
they
want
something
or
calculated.
It
may
not
be
calculated
in
a
nefarious
way,
but
just
sort
of
like
this
is
what
I'm
supposed
to
do.
I
I
classify
myself
as
a
as
a
good
person.
And
this
is
what
good
it's
almost
overly
selfish.
But
what
I
find
so
interesting
is
your
ability
to
be
generous
starts
with
the
gratitude
you
have
for
the
people
around
you.
And
generosity
is
not
actually
the
thing
you
do.
It's
almost
the
result
of
being
grateful.
Does
that
make
sense?
Yeah,
it
does.
It
does.
I
can
remember
very,
very
early
on,
you
know,
as
with
anything,
when
you
achieve
something
that's
positive,
it's
an
endorphin
and
you
feel
that
much
better
and
you
go
forward
and
you
do
things.
It
leaps
you
forward
on
a
lot
of
ways.
And
I
have
had
so
many
experiences
where
I
have
left
forward.
Obviously,
I
think
you
have
to
be
the
one
to
take
advantage
of
what's
being
put
in
front
of
you
or
to
also
open
the
curtains
and
look
outside.
You
say,
hold
on,
what
else
is
out
there?
I
try
to
lead
with
gratitude.
I
can
also
be
somewhat
critical
because
I
also
find
that
I'm
generous,
but
I
also
am
careful
with
that.
As
you
say,
there's
twenty
four
hours
in
a
day
and
I
like
to
believe
that
what
I
have
in
my
life
is
a
huge
rippling
pond.
And
as
you
show
up
for
something,
you're
going
to
get
fold
out
of
it
because
it
ripples
out.
And
I
do
think
that
you
can
also
show
up
for
people
that
don't
expect
it,
not
always
do
people
realize
it
or
are
grateful
for
it.
But
a
lot
of
times
you
can
change
somebody
by
the
investment
that
you
make
to
make
a
difference.
A
lot
of
people
are
very
cynical
about
generosity.
You
know,
it's
kind
of
like
some
people
who
are
very
guarded
with
their
emotions
because
they
fear
being
hurt.
Why
would
I
put
myself
out
there?
Why
would
I
be
vulnerable?
I'm
just
going
to
get
hurt.
All
right.
And
so
they
walk
around
with
this
with
a
wallop.
And
I
think
some
people
are
very
cynical
about
generosity
as
well.
Well,
what
if
I'm
generous?
You
know
what?
Somebody
just
takes
advantage
of
me
could
happen.
I'm
sure
it's
happened
to
you.
You
know,
where
they
just
take
and
take
and
take
because
they
know
you'll
give.
I
can't
be
calculated
about
it.
I
don't
want
to
think
about
it
long
enough.
Then
I
will
do
it
if
I
have
to,
then
put
it
in
perspective
and
weigh
it
out
to
see
whether
or
not
I
prefer
to
leave
with
the
gratitude
for
it
and
assume
my
gut
instincts
are
probably
better
than
not.
And
so
if
I
make
a
mistake,
you
know
what?
I'll
move
on.
This
is
what
I
like
about
friendship,
right.
Or
any
relationship
business
relationship
as
well,
which
is
good
relationships
are
egalitarian,
not
equal.
Equal
means.
I
cook,
you
cook.
I
do
the
dishes.
You
do
the
dishes.
I
take
out
the
garbage.
You
take
out
the
garbage.
That's
equal.
Egalitarian
is
I'll
cook.
You
do
the
dishes,
I'll
take
out
the
garbage.
You
empty
the
dishwasher.
That's
egalitarian
where
it
feels
balance
that
we're
not
doing
the
same
thing.
And
I
think
healthy
relationships
are
like
that
where,
you
know,
I
don't
walk
around
notebook
with
all
the
things
I've
done
for
you
and
all
the
things
you've
done
for
me.
Annie,
I
did
ten
things
for
you
this
week,
and
you've
only
done
one.
Come
on.
What
kind
of
friendship
do
we
have
here?
Right.
That's
not
what
happens.
And
for
me,
if
I
did
a
hundred
things
for
you
and
you
did
nothing
for
me,
but
I
had
the
absolute
confidence
that
the
one
time
I'm
going
to
need
you,
no
matter
what
day
or
what
time,
I
know
without
a
shadow
of
a
doubt,
you
will
be
there.
The
whole
thing
feels
completely
balanced.
Agree.
And
I've
made
this
mistake.
I've
made
this
mistake
in
my
own
life,
in
my
own
friendships.
I
give
and
give
and
give.
And
it
is
very
unbalanced
where
it's
not
balanced
equally
or
egalitarian.
Yeah.
Where
I
came
to
the
realization
with
some
friends
that
if
I'd
never
picked
up
the
phone,
I
don't
think
I'd
ever
hear
from
them
again.
For
the
rest
of
my
life,
all
the
energy
was
one
sided.
Yeah,
I
hear
you.
And
I
sort
of
like
thought
to
myself,
I
enjoy
their
company,
but
do
I
have
absolute
confidence
that
they'll
be
there
for
me
when
I
need
them?
No,
it's
not
even
in
doubt.
A
million
percent.
I
agree.
And
so
then
the
question
I
have
to
ask
myself
is,
is
it
still
appropriate
for
me
to
be
very
generous
to
those
people
all
the
time?
The
conclusion
I
came
up
with
was
no,
which
sounds
a
little
harsh,
but
my
argument
was
I've
got
limited
energy
and
limited
time
and
I
love
giving
and
I
don't
need
to
get
back,
but
I
need
to
have
the
confidence
that
a
friend
is
actually
a
friend.
It's
not
something
transactional.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Did
you
have
a
mentor
growing
up?
Oh,
yeah,
there
was
a
woman
by
the
name
of
Marie
Lambeck.
So
Marie
was
one
of
my
mother's
best
friends
and
she
was
a
little
bit
on
the
nutty
side.
She
was
somebody
who
always
treated
me
like
an
adult,
no
matter
if
I
was
six,
seven,
10
or
whatever.
And
at
about
15,
we
were
a
church
one
day.
And
she
said
I
was
really
mad
with
the
world
and
wanting
to
get
out
of
here
and
go
and
run
things
somewhere
else.
And
she
asked
me
to
come
over
to
her
house,
me
a
gin
and
tonic,
sat
in
the
backyard
and
talked
about
life.
And
she
she
really
got
me.
She
really
understood
that.
I
was
going
to
run
and
that
I
needed
to
wait
a
few
minutes.
I
couldn't
leave
yet,
but
she
listened
to
me.
She
she
heard
me.
She
saw
me.
You
didn't
get
that
at
home.
I
know
I'm
the
oldest
of
five.
I
was
washing
dishes,
putting
people
in
vans,
taking
them
to
ballet
class,
you
know,
you
name
it.
My
dad
was
a
salesman.
They
were
very
involved
with
everything.
All
of
us
were
in
various
activities
is
very
difficult
to
juggle.
Five
kids
that
are
pretty
much
one
after
the
other.
And
I'm
also
not
an
easy
character.
As
a
kid,
I
was
a
real
pain
in
the
butt.
My
mother
would
use
a
different
word.
But
tell
me
something
you've
done
in
your
career
that
you
absolutely
love
doing.
It
doesn't
matter
if
it
was
a
commercial
success
or
not,
but
if
like,
if
everything
you
did
professionally
were
like
this
one
thing,
you'd
be
the
happiest
person
alive.
Well,
I
would
say.
Opening
the
outlet
shopping
center
that
we
opened
in
Italy
after
I'd
been
with
the
company
for
about
seven
or
eight
years,
I
asked
to
be
responsible
to
open
an
actual
village
from
the
construction
all
the
way
through,
etc.
and
they
threw
me
in
there.
I
had
no
idea
what
I
was
doing,
which
I've
always
done.
I've
always
been
in
situations
where
I've
been
thrown
into
something
I
don't
know
how
to
do,
and
I
love
the
challenge
of
it.
But
this
was
amazing,
a
huge
challenge.
And
I
mean,
I'll
tell
you
just
one
story.
It
was
forty
two
outside,
which
is
about
one
hundred
and
four
every
day.
And
these
guys
were
working
twenty
four
hours
a
day,
bricklayers,
you
name
it,
and
I
could
see
how
hot
it
was.
So
I
said,
we're
going
to
need
to
get
this
done.
There's
only
one
way
we're
going
to
get
it
done
is
if
these
guys
are
happy
and
healthy
and
moving
fast.
So
we
started
with
one
pallet
of
water.
By
the
third
day,
we
were
up
to
about
forty
seven
hundred
bottles
of
cold
water
every
day.
So
they
said
they
have
to
be
cold.
That
can't
be
warm.
Then
I
decided
we
needed
to
find
popsicles
for
these
guys.
So
I
went
around
to
some
of
the
bars.
All
I
could
find
was
about
14
popsicles
and
that
wasn't
going
to
work.
So
this
woman
overheard
me
and
she
ended
up,
long
story
short,
giving
me
four
thousand
popsicles
a
day,
three
times
a
day.
She
delivered
them.
We
went
into
business
with
four
different
pizza
makers.
We
made
all
the
pizzas
in
their
off
hours
so
that
the
pizza
makers
could
do
the
work
without
interrupting
their
normal
business.
So
the
lady
with
the
popsicles
came
and
brought
me
a
plant
at
Christmas
and
said,
I
just
want
to
thank
you.
My
family's
never
been
on
vacation.
And
because
we
were
able
to
bring
you
all
these
popsicles,
we're
going
on
vacation.
And
the
pizza
guys,
they
were
able
to
open
two
more
stores.
And
at
the
end
of
the
day,
though,
for
me,
the
thing
that
was
great
about
it
is
all
the
teams
that
were
there
and
there
were,
you
know,
one
hundred
and
some
odd
people
helping
me
open
this
place.
Everybody
could
feel
that
it
was
a
popsicle,
it
was
a
bottle
of
water.
It
was
a
pizza,
which
is
any
single
person
can
can
afford
or
have.
Right.
And
you
could
feel
that
momentum
and
that
infectiousness
that
goes
with
the
guy
who's
building
the
wall
over
in
the
back.
When
you
walk
up
with
a
bottle
of
water
and
he
looks
at
you
and
says.
You
mean
that's
for
me,
you're
going
to
give
me
a
bottle
of
water,
it's
a
bottle
of
water,
but
it's
freaking
hot
outside.
It
was
quite
the
commotion
and
it
was
probably
the
most
exhilarating
experience
I've
ever
had.
What
specifically
made
it
exhilarating?
You've
done
a
lot
of
exhilarating
things
in
your
spectacular
career.
What
specifically
about
this
one
thing?
Did
you
consider
exhilarating?
Every
single
person
and
there
were
hundreds
of
construction
guys.
There
were
over
a
hundred
on
the
retail
team.
There
were.
I
don't
know
how
many
suppliers
involved
we
had,
people
that
were
coming
to
work
with
us
at
the
end,
that
I
had
no
idea
who
they
worked
for
and
they
didn't
care
who
they
worked
for,
they
were
running
around.
And
if
they
saw
somebody
that
needed
some
help,
they
just
said,
I
got
a
hammer.
Hold
on.
I'll
be
right
back.
The
energy
was.
Palatable,
it
was
infectious
and
I
don't
know
how
you
would
feel
if
you
were
an
actor
and
you
won
an
Oscar
or
you
climbed
Mount
Everest,
I
don't
know
that
I've
ever
had
that
feeling
before
because
it
was
an
energy
that
was
tangible
and
it
affected
a
lot
of
people.
And
by
the
way,
we
opened
on
time.
Tell
me
an
early
specific
happy
childhood
memory.
I
was
a
cheerleader
that'll
make
you
laugh,
and
my
father
was
the
football
coach
for
the
grade
school
and
we
won
state
championship
and
our
team
won
the
cheerleader
championship
for
best
cheerleaders
in
Texas,
and
we
won
the
best
football
team
in
Texas.
And
if
you've
ever
watched
Friday
Night
Lights
double
it
by
five
hundred,
it's
unbelievable.
And
of
all
the
things
you
did
as
a
kid,
what
is
it
specifically
about
this
one
that
stands
out
to
you?
You
know,
it's
kind
of
similar
to
the
one
I
just
said
about
the
shopping
center,
it
was
about
a
really
large
group
of
people
being
super
happy,
having
worked
really
hard
and
everybody
showed
up
to
do
their
jobs.
And
it
was
a
united
happy.
Because
I
was
on
a
team
of
cheerleaders,
my
dad
was
coaching
a
team,
and
it
was
everybody
was
just
this
combustion
of
happy
was
unbelievable.
But
the
combustion
of
happy,
you
had
combustion
of
happy,
I'm
sure,
before
what
what
produced
the
combustion
of
happy
that
you
again,
that
you
that
you're
talking
about
it
with
such
fondness
now?
Well,
we
achieved
the
impossible,
because
if
you
know,
me
being
a
cheerleader
isn't
exactly
the
first
place
you
put
me
as
that
description.
And
that
was
quite
the
achievement
that
I
was
able
to
do
it.
And
then
to
win
something
on
top
of
that
was
pretty
extraordinary.
But
it
was
really
hard
work.
It
was
one
of
those
things
where,
you
know,
you
had
to
practice
and
practice
and
practice
and
at
the
end
you
could
see
the
payoff.
And
so
the
investment
was
well
worth
it.
It
was
different
than
other
things.
It
was
a
longer
period
of
time,
too,
which
is
very
similar
to
the
shopping
center.
You
know,
some
things
if
you
get
a
good
math
test,
great.
It's
a
little
bit
more
of
a
shorter
period
of
time.
This
was
something
that
was
a
big
investment,
was
a
big
anticipation.
And
we
got
there
and
we
absolutely
made
it.
What
I
love
about
these
two
stories,
it
goes
back
to
generosity
again.
There's
a
lot
of
giving
that
was
happening.
You
made
this
fantastic
distinction
of
working
hard
over
a
long
period
of
time
to
do
something
big
versus
the
feeling
you
get
when
just,
you
know,
get
a
good
grade
on
your
math
test.
And
I
think
that
there's
a
correlation
to
the
kind
of
generosity
that
you
embody,
which
is
there's
short
term
generosity,
saying
good
morning,
saying
thank
you,
and
then
there's
this
more
invested
generosity
where
you
don't
just
do
something
spontaneously
for
someone
which
is
very
generous,
but
rather
an
investor,
generosity
like
I
have
to
solve
a
problem
in
order
to
be
generous,
like
how
am
I
going
to
get
these
folks
not
just
water,
but
cold
water
in
the
high
90s
and
low
hundreds
every
day?
How
am
I
going
to
figure
out
to
get
that
many
pizzas
when
the
pizza
stores
can't
make
that
many
pieces
because
they
have
other
business
to
run?
Anybody
else
would
have
said
popsicles.
We
couldn't
find
them.
Oh,
well,
we'll
just
stick
with
the
water.
But
you
were
determined
to
solve
these
problems.
You
had
a
harebrained
idea.
I'm
going
to
get
a
popsicle
and
you
would
stop
at
nothing
until
you
figure
out
the
problem
and
the
solution
you
found
created
more
generosity.
Because
you
helped
these
this
other
person
build
an
entire
business
out
of
this
one
project.
There's
an
invested
generosity
that
I
find
fascinating
that
you
actually
spend
time
and
energy
away
from
the
generous
act
to
source
and
find
and
ask
and
research
and
dig.
And
now
I'm
sort
of
understanding
the
intensity
of
what
it's
like
to
be
on
the
receiving
end
of
your
generosity,
which
is
when
it
happens,
it's
overwhelming
because
it's
not
actually
the
thing
that
you
did
in
that
moment.
It's
not
the
little
gift
that
you've
given
me.
I
know
in
that
moment
the
reason
it's
emotional
is
because
I
know
how
much
work
you
had
to
do
or
pay
attention
or
take
notes
for
that
little
box
to
arrive
that
day.
That
may
or
may
not
be
anything,
you
know,
might
be
something
small.
I
know
everything
that
had
to
happen
to
get
me
to
that
point.
Yeah.
Know
it
makes
sense.
I
hear
what
you're
saying.
I
guess
I
don't
conceivably
think
of
it
that
way,
but
when
you
asked
me
to
relay
the
story,
then
I
do
think
about
I
could
give
you,
you
know,
many,
many
other
examples
like
that,
because
my
mind
is
a
time
and
energy
calendar.
Then
it
sounds
calculated,
but
it's
not.
No,
I
understand
it.
What
I
find
so
impressive
is
just
your
ability.
And
you're
a
very
good
listener.
You
know,
I've
been
in
group
things
with
you
and
you're
very
quiet.
You
know,
you're
in
a
room
of
big
personalities
and
you
have
a
big
personality
and
yet
you
take
in
the
room.
And
I'll
give
you
one
stupid
example,
during
the
pandemic,
we
were
both
at
a
dinner
party
and
one
of
the
people
at
our
dinner
party
was
eating
luminosities
pizza
and
everybody
on
the
call,
everybody
on
the
zoo
meeting
went,
oh,
my
God,
it's
the
best.
And
I
went,
I've
never
tried
it.
And
that
was
it.
We
moved
on
to
the
next
thing.
And
three
weeks
later,
six
Illuminati's
pizzas
show
up
at
my
house
from,
you
know,
no,
no,
nothing.
They
just
show
up
and
talk
about
the
generosity
that,
you
know,
the
way
it
flows
for
you.
I
have
since
gifted
Lou
Malnati's
pizza
to
multiple
people,
but
it's
that
kind
of
little
thing.
Anybody
else
would
say,
oh,
my
God,
I
mean,
you
should
try
them
and
that
would
be
it.
We
move
on.
But
you
at
the
end
of
that
dinner
party,
you
got
them
for
me.
I
mean,
it
seems
silly
that
one's
not,
you
know,
heavily
researched
per
say,
but
that's
it's
just
the
paying
attention
and
wanting
to
fill
these
little
gaps
in
someone's
life
experience.
It's
kind
of
what
you
do,
and
I
love
the
gratitude
and
love
that
it
seeps
with
gratitude,
and
this
is
where
I
started.
I
said
to
you,
I
don't
have
the
energy
that
you
have
to
be
generous.
And
what
I'm
learning
is
I
need
to
start
each
day
with
gratitude.
Yeah,
yeah.
And
then
I
will
you
know,
there's
an
analogy
there's
a
connection
I'm
making
here.
So
I've
always
my
whole
life
been
very
bad
with
remembering
people's
names.
Terrible
at
it.
I
mean,
I'll
meet
them
and
like
five
minutes
later,
I
can't
remember
their
name.
And
I've
just
believed
it
was
some
failing
of
my
own
brain.
And
I
would
say
that,
like,
I'm
really
sorry.
I'm
just
really
bad
with
names
and
faces,
you
know?
And
somebody
pointed
out
to
me
that
we
can
do
things
that
matter
to
us
and
they
challenge
me.
They
said
maybe
you
don't
remember
people's
names
because
they
don't
matter
to
you.
And
I
thought
that
was
like
a
dagger
through
my
heart,
you
know?
And
I
know
how
special
it
makes
people
feel
when
you
remember
their
name.
And
so
I
sort
of
made
this
decision
that,
of
course,
I
want
to
make
people
feel
seen
and
heard
and
special,
and
if
if
I
only
have
to
remember
a
name,
I'll
do
that.
And
now
when
I
meet
someone,
a
stranger,
someone
up
to
me
and
say
that
they're
they
admire
my
work.
For
example,
I
immediately
ask
them
their
name.
We
can
have
a
nice,
lovely,
long
conversation.
And
at
the
end
I'll
thank
them
and
say
their
name
again.
And
the
number
of
times
they're
surprised
that
I
remember
their
name,
acknowledge
them.
Yeah.
And
I
have
become
pretty
good
at
remembering
people's
names
because
now
I
know
it
matters
to
them.
It's
no
longer
about
me
or
I'm
not
remembering
names,
blah
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah.
As
soon
as
I
was
able
to
make
it
something
generous,
as
soon
as
I
was
able
to
make
the
remembering
of
a
name
a
generous
act,
it
actually
became
a
lot
easier.
So
to
what
you
do,
I
was
confounded
how
you
find
all
the
time
and
energy.
But
because
it's
born
out
of
generosity,
the
time
and
energy
shows
up.
Yes,
I
do
believe
it's
very
infectious
when
you
make
people
happy.
Yeah.
So
I've
learned
something
today
that
you
can
only
be
truly
generous
to
others
if
you
are
first
grateful
for
the
things
that
they
do
for
you
or
that
life
has
given
you,
that
you
have
to
start
your
day
with
gratitude
and
then
the
rest
of
the
day
you
will
have
the
energy
to
be
generous.
But
I
think
that
we
also
have
to
feel
that
gratitude.
I
did
something
nice
for
somebody
recently
and
they
showed
no
gratitude
to
me.
And
I
remember
thinking
to
myself,
well,
I
won't
do
that
again.
So
I
yeah.
So
I
actually
think
that
gratitude
is
important
all
the
time.
Like,
the
more
gratitude
we
feel
from
people,
the
more
generous
we
want
to
become
and
the
more
grateful
we
are,
the
more
people
will
be
generous
to
us.
Yeah,
I
think
the
moral
of
the
story
is
if
we
could
all
learn
to
just
be
a
little
more
grateful
for
the
things
we
have
for
the
people
around
us,
and
everyone
can
find
something
to
be
grateful
for
every
single
day,
without
a
doubt.
And
the
world
would
become
a
much
more
generous
place.
Completely
agree.
You're
the
best.
Well,
I'm
just
grateful
for
you,
but
you
would,
uh,
Annie,
you.
If
you
enjoyed
this
podcast
and
if
you'd
like
to
hear
more,
please
subscribe
wherever
you
like
to
listen
to
podcasts.
Until
then,
take
care
of
yourself
and
take
care
of
each
other.
Check out more A Bit of Optimism

See below for the full transcript

In life, we learn different things from different people. This is one of the values of having a diverse set of friends, a lot of people turned to my friend Annie because she's a successful retail executive for me. However, I learned what it means to be generous from. I learned so much from her. And so I thought the generous thing to do would be to share Annie with you. This is a bit of optimism. more today, do you know what I wanted to talk to you about? I want to talk to you about generosity, and the reason I want to talk to you about generosity is because I think you're the most generous person I've ever met in my entire life. Oh, my God. And I've met some pretty generous people you give of yourself in a way that I've never seen. And I've seen you around your other friends. Everyone feels that about you. I don't know how you have the time and energy to give that much of yourself to so many people. Everyone I know who knows you loves you because you make us feel special. You make us feel like we're the only person that matters in the world, and the reason I wanted to talk to you about it is because I want to learn how to do that because I don't know how to do that. Did you learn it? Well,r first of all, I don't even know how to respond to that other than I think you're crazy. And I appreciate it very much. I think that, as with anything, it's a learned action. And I would say that, hokey as it might sound, it starts with my parents. So I have been given the example from the minute I was born until today of just how that can make you feel and how you can make somebody else feel no matter if it's something super small or something actually quite big. Making an effort makes all the difference in the world, and I think that that affects anything and everything you have in your life, whether it be friends, a husband, boyfriend, whatever, or work colleagues or the guy in the gas station, I do believe it costs nothing. For me, it doesn't take an extra effort. I watched the selflessness of my parents. We grew up with not a ton of money and the church was our place to go and it didn't matter who needed help. Everybody showed up. And I think showing up is a really big deal. I think showing up makes all the difference in the world and you can't buy that. How did you learn to anticipate? Because you're good at that. Like, I'll say something in passing and you bring it up or it'll show up weeks later. Do you make a mental note or do you physically write these things down? So if I go back to really early childhood, I was taught and I observed at a very early age that anything is possible and if you want something, you can go and get it. And I watched again my parents or those around my parents who, if they wanted a law changed or the price to pay attention. My mother went and slept in front of the church for whatever it took for the priest to come outside and finally talk to her. You always have time. You're an incredibly busy person. You're up early, early morning and your work to late. And you're always on the phone. You're always on. You're always talking to all parts of the world. And yet if I call you, you take the call like you always have time. And I'm not the only person who calls you and I'm not the only person who loves you. And I'm not the only person who you give to. There's only 24 hours in a day. You seem to get twenty eight out. You know, it fills my soul as much as it does yours or anybody else. I have the absolute gift of having a large group of friends and people around me that are extraordinary people starting with you. And I could make a really strong list of these people, which I'm very fortunate to have. It would be very difficult not to take a call because it makes me feel better. It's not for you. It's it's a selfish thing to do to take a call from you or other friends. And I do find in this last bit of time, especially at times, strong personalities like you and I and those that give more than, say, others, or it's more common or easier sometimes. Forget that we need something. And somebody like you and others in my life have really shown up in these last months when something's happened or, you know, that I'm working too hard or I'm tired or whatever. So I do think that I've established or I've received a very good give and take. The bucket is more than half full. I'm not constantly giving out. Do you know how to ask for help? You make me address that question because you're always in giving mode. Yeah, I think that's probably one of the negatives being available is your cup runs out, your gas runs out. You know, you are going to get tired. I have a pretty strong threshold, but that is probably one of the drawbacks for any of it for sure. The thing that I find really interesting, there seems to be a precursor to generosity. And you touched upon it just a second ago, which is gratitude, which is a very interesting before you can be generous, you have to be grateful. The question is, is if somebody generous without gratitude, it's almost artificial, right? It's almost because they feel they have to be or it's it's because they want something or calculated. It may not be calculated in a nefarious way, but just sort of like this is what I'm supposed to do. I I classify myself as a as a good person. And this is what good it's almost overly selfish. But what I find so interesting is your ability to be generous starts with the gratitude you have for the people around you. And generosity is not actually the thing you do. It's almost the result of being grateful. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. It does. I can remember very, very early on, you know, as with anything, when you achieve something that's positive, it's an endorphin and you feel that much better and you go forward and you do things. It leaps you forward on a lot of ways. And I have had so many experiences where I have left forward. Obviously, I think you have to be the one to take advantage of what's being put in front of you or to also open the curtains and look outside. You say, hold on, what else is out there? I try to lead with gratitude. I can also be somewhat critical because I also find that I'm generous, but I also am careful with that. As you say, there's twenty four hours in a day and I like to believe that what I have in my life is a huge rippling pond. And as you show up for something, you're going to get fold out of it because it ripples out. And I do think that you can also show up for people that don't expect it, not always do people realize it or are grateful for it. But a lot of times you can change somebody by the investment that you make to make a difference. A lot of people are very cynical about generosity. You know, it's kind of like some people who are very guarded with their emotions because they fear being hurt. Why would I put myself out there? Why would I be vulnerable? I'm just going to get hurt. All right. And so they walk around with this with a wallop. And I think some people are very cynical about generosity as well. Well, what if I'm generous? You know what? Somebody just takes advantage of me could happen. I'm sure it's happened to you. You know, where they just take and take and take because they know you'll give. I can't be calculated about it. I don't want to think about it long enough. Then I will do it if I have to, then put it in perspective and weigh it out to see whether or not I prefer to leave with the gratitude for it and assume my gut instincts are probably better than not. And so if I make a mistake, you know what? I'll move on. This is what I like about friendship, right. Or any relationship business relationship as well, which is good relationships are egalitarian, not equal. Equal means. I cook, you cook. I do the dishes. You do the dishes. I take out the garbage. You take out the garbage. That's equal. Egalitarian is I'll cook. You do the dishes, I'll take out the garbage. You empty the dishwasher. That's egalitarian where it feels balance that we're not doing the same thing. And I think healthy relationships are like that where, you know, I don't walk around notebook with all the things I've done for you and all the things you've done for me. Annie, I did ten things for you this week, and you've only done one. Come on. What kind of friendship do we have here? Right. That's not what happens. And for me, if I did a hundred things for you and you did nothing for me, but I had the absolute confidence that the one time I'm going to need you, no matter what day or what time, I know without a shadow of a doubt, you will be there. The whole thing feels completely balanced. Agree. And I've made this mistake. I've made this mistake in my own life, in my own friendships. I give and give and give. And it is very unbalanced where it's not balanced equally or egalitarian. Yeah. Where I came to the realization with some friends that if I'd never picked up the phone, I don't think I'd ever hear from them again. For the rest of my life, all the energy was one sided. Yeah, I hear you. And I sort of like thought to myself, I enjoy their company, but do I have absolute confidence that they'll be there for me when I need them? No, it's not even in doubt. A million percent. I agree. And so then the question I have to ask myself is, is it still appropriate for me to be very generous to those people all the time? The conclusion I came up with was no, which sounds a little harsh, but my argument was I've got limited energy and limited time and I love giving and I don't need to get back, but I need to have the confidence that a friend is actually a friend. It's not something transactional. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have a mentor growing up? Oh, yeah, there was a woman by the name of Marie Lambeck. So Marie was one of my mother's best friends and she was a little bit on the nutty side. She was somebody who always treated me like an adult, no matter if I was six, seven, 10 or whatever. And at about 15, we were a church one day. And she said I was really mad with the world and wanting to get out of here and go and run things somewhere else. And she asked me to come over to her house, me a gin and tonic, sat in the backyard and talked about life. And she she really got me. She really understood that. I was going to run and that I needed to wait a few minutes. I couldn't leave yet, but she listened to me. She she heard me. She saw me. You didn't get that at home. I know I'm the oldest of five. I was washing dishes, putting people in vans, taking them to ballet class, you know, you name it. My dad was a salesman. They were very involved with everything. All of us were in various activities is very difficult to juggle. Five kids that are pretty much one after the other. And I'm also not an easy character. As a kid, I was a real pain in the butt. My mother would use a different word. But tell me something you've done in your career that you absolutely love doing. It doesn't matter if it was a commercial success or not, but if like, if everything you did professionally were like this one thing, you'd be the happiest person alive. Well, I would say. Opening the outlet shopping center that we opened in Italy after I'd been with the company for about seven or eight years, I asked to be responsible to open an actual village from the construction all the way through, etc. and they threw me in there. I had no idea what I was doing, which I've always done. I've always been in situations where I've been thrown into something I don't know how to do, and I love the challenge of it. But this was amazing, a huge challenge. And I mean, I'll tell you just one story. It was forty two outside, which is about one hundred and four every day. And these guys were working twenty four hours a day, bricklayers, you name it, and I could see how hot it was. So I said, we're going to need to get this done. There's only one way we're going to get it done is if these guys are happy and healthy and moving fast. So we started with one pallet of water. By the third day, we were up to about forty seven hundred bottles of cold water every day. So they said they have to be cold. That can't be warm. Then I decided we needed to find popsicles for these guys. So I went around to some of the bars. All I could find was about 14 popsicles and that wasn't going to work. So this woman overheard me and she ended up, long story short, giving me four thousand popsicles a day, three times a day. She delivered them. We went into business with four different pizza makers. We made all the pizzas in their off hours so that the pizza makers could do the work without interrupting their normal business. So the lady with the popsicles came and brought me a plant at Christmas and said, I just want to thank you. My family's never been on vacation. And because we were able to bring you all these popsicles, we're going on vacation. And the pizza guys, they were able to open two more stores. And at the end of the day, though, for me, the thing that was great about it is all the teams that were there and there were, you know, one hundred and some odd people helping me open this place. Everybody could feel that it was a popsicle, it was a bottle of water. It was a pizza, which is any single person can can afford or have. Right. And you could feel that momentum and that infectiousness that goes with the guy who's building the wall over in the back. When you walk up with a bottle of water and he looks at you and says. You mean that's for me, you're going to give me a bottle of water, it's a bottle of water, but it's freaking hot outside. It was quite the commotion and it was probably the most exhilarating experience I've ever had. What specifically made it exhilarating? You've done a lot of exhilarating things in your spectacular career. What specifically about this one thing? Did you consider exhilarating? Every single person and there were hundreds of construction guys. There were over a hundred on the retail team. There were. I don't know how many suppliers involved we had, people that were coming to work with us at the end, that I had no idea who they worked for and they didn't care who they worked for, they were running around. And if they saw somebody that needed some help, they just said, I got a hammer. Hold on. I'll be right back. The energy was. Palatable, it was infectious and I don't know how you would feel if you were an actor and you won an Oscar or you climbed Mount Everest, I don't know that I've ever had that feeling before because it was an energy that was tangible and it affected a lot of people. And by the way, we opened on time. Tell me an early specific happy childhood memory. I was a cheerleader that'll make you laugh, and my father was the football coach for the grade school and we won state championship and our team won the cheerleader championship for best cheerleaders in Texas, and we won the best football team in Texas. And if you've ever watched Friday Night Lights double it by five hundred, it's unbelievable. And of all the things you did as a kid, what is it specifically about this one that stands out to you? You know, it's kind of similar to the one I just said about the shopping center, it was about a really large group of people being super happy, having worked really hard and everybody showed up to do their jobs. And it was a united happy. Because I was on a team of cheerleaders, my dad was coaching a team, and it was everybody was just this combustion of happy was unbelievable. But the combustion of happy, you had combustion of happy, I'm sure, before what what produced the combustion of happy that you again, that you that you're talking about it with such fondness now? Well, we achieved the impossible, because if you know, me being a cheerleader isn't exactly the first place you put me as that description. And that was quite the achievement that I was able to do it. And then to win something on top of that was pretty extraordinary. But it was really hard work. It was one of those things where, you know, you had to practice and practice and practice and at the end you could see the payoff. And so the investment was well worth it. It was different than other things. It was a longer period of time, too, which is very similar to the shopping center. You know, some things if you get a good math test, great. It's a little bit more of a shorter period of time. This was something that was a big investment, was a big anticipation. And we got there and we absolutely made it. What I love about these two stories, it goes back to generosity again. There's a lot of giving that was happening. You made this fantastic distinction of working hard over a long period of time to do something big versus the feeling you get when just, you know, get a good grade on your math test. And I think that there's a correlation to the kind of generosity that you embody, which is there's short term generosity, saying good morning, saying thank you, and then there's this more invested generosity where you don't just do something spontaneously for someone which is very generous, but rather an investor, generosity like I have to solve a problem in order to be generous, like how am I going to get these folks not just water, but cold water in the high 90s and low hundreds every day? How am I going to figure out to get that many pizzas when the pizza stores can't make that many pieces because they have other business to run? Anybody else would have said popsicles. We couldn't find them. Oh, well, we'll just stick with the water. But you were determined to solve these problems. You had a harebrained idea. I'm going to get a popsicle and you would stop at nothing until you figure out the problem and the solution you found created more generosity. Because you helped these this other person build an entire business out of this one project. There's an invested generosity that I find fascinating that you actually spend time and energy away from the generous act to source and find and ask and research and dig. And now I'm sort of understanding the intensity of what it's like to be on the receiving end of your generosity, which is when it happens, it's overwhelming because it's not actually the thing that you did in that moment. It's not the little gift that you've given me. I know in that moment the reason it's emotional is because I know how much work you had to do or pay attention or take notes for that little box to arrive that day. That may or may not be anything, you know, might be something small. I know everything that had to happen to get me to that point. Yeah. Know it makes sense. I hear what you're saying. I guess I don't conceivably think of it that way, but when you asked me to relay the story, then I do think about I could give you, you know, many, many other examples like that, because my mind is a time and energy calendar. Then it sounds calculated, but it's not. No, I understand it. What I find so impressive is just your ability. And you're a very good listener. You know, I've been in group things with you and you're very quiet. You know, you're in a room of big personalities and you have a big personality and yet you take in the room. And I'll give you one stupid example, during the pandemic, we were both at a dinner party and one of the people at our dinner party was eating luminosities pizza and everybody on the call, everybody on the zoo meeting went, oh, my God, it's the best. And I went, I've never tried it. And that was it. We moved on to the next thing. And three weeks later, six Illuminati's pizzas show up at my house from, you know, no, no, nothing. They just show up and talk about the generosity that, you know, the way it flows for you. I have since gifted Lou Malnati's pizza to multiple people, but it's that kind of little thing. Anybody else would say, oh, my God, I mean, you should try them and that would be it. We move on. But you at the end of that dinner party, you got them for me. I mean, it seems silly that one's not, you know, heavily researched per say, but that's it's just the paying attention and wanting to fill these little gaps in someone's life experience. It's kind of what you do, and I love the gratitude and love that it seeps with gratitude, and this is where I started. I said to you, I don't have the energy that you have to be generous. And what I'm learning is I need to start each day with gratitude. Yeah, yeah. And then I will you know, there's an analogy there's a connection I'm making here. So I've always my whole life been very bad with remembering people's names. Terrible at it. I mean, I'll meet them and like five minutes later, I can't remember their name. And I've just believed it was some failing of my own brain. And I would say that, like, I'm really sorry. I'm just really bad with names and faces, you know? And somebody pointed out to me that we can do things that matter to us and they challenge me. They said maybe you don't remember people's names because they don't matter to you. And I thought that was like a dagger through my heart, you know? And I know how special it makes people feel when you remember their name. And so I sort of made this decision that, of course, I want to make people feel seen and heard and special, and if if I only have to remember a name, I'll do that. And now when I meet someone, a stranger, someone up to me and say that they're they admire my work. For example, I immediately ask them their name. We can have a nice, lovely, long conversation. And at the end I'll thank them and say their name again. And the number of times they're surprised that I remember their name, acknowledge them. Yeah. And I have become pretty good at remembering people's names because now I know it matters to them. It's no longer about me or I'm not remembering names, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. As soon as I was able to make it something generous, as soon as I was able to make the remembering of a name a generous act, it actually became a lot easier. So to what you do, I was confounded how you find all the time and energy. But because it's born out of generosity, the time and energy shows up. Yes, I do believe it's very infectious when you make people happy. Yeah. So I've learned something today that you can only be truly generous to others if you are first grateful for the things that they do for you or that life has given you, that you have to start your day with gratitude and then the rest of the day you will have the energy to be generous. But I think that we also have to feel that gratitude. I did something nice for somebody recently and they showed no gratitude to me. And I remember thinking to myself, well, I won't do that again. So I yeah. So I actually think that gratitude is important all the time. Like, the more gratitude we feel from people, the more generous we want to become and the more grateful we are, the more people will be generous to us. Yeah, I think the moral of the story is if we could all learn to just be a little more grateful for the things we have for the people around us, and everyone can find something to be grateful for every single day, without a doubt. And the world would become a much more generous place. Completely agree. You're the best. Well, I'm just grateful for you, but you would, uh, Annie, you. If you enjoyed this podcast and if you'd like to hear more, please subscribe wherever you like to listen to podcasts. Until then, take care of yourself and take care of each other.

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